The title implies we're going to read/see a genre horror film about a creature terrorizing a community. And that's what this story is about, however it takes an awful long time for us to get there. The first act setup takes way too long, spending too much time talking about the killings, introducing too many characters and spending pages on fairly superfluous scenes like Dale's cat. I also felt the narrative was a little too split between Billy and Dale as to whose story and POV we were supposed to be experiencing it through.
The script needs to be much more brisk in its pace and action. Look at page 30/31/32/33--somewhere in here should be a major plot revelation that moves the story forward in a new or unexpected direction, but it's just more 1st act explanation and setup.
The 2nd Act sees more action, and I thought the idea of the halfbreed was interesting (the cow mating should make for a cinematic moment, that's for sure), but jumping back and forth between Billy, Dale and the beast's doings felt incohesive and jumpy. Could Billy and Dale's stories be more intertwined, like they're working together on this case?
The 3rd Act picks up the pace although the climax felt a bit cliche and predictable and wasn't as scary as it could've been.
Overall, I thought the dialog was good--though there are some typos and things that should be fixed--but again, if you could trim down superfluous, extraneous scenes that are redundant (how many pages have to be dedicated to people talking about the creatures?) or don't do anything to move the narrative anyplace but sideways, I think it will be better. It's not a super-original story, but you've put some thought into it and I think it's got potential. But seriously, lose like 25 pages. I've never read a script of this genre longer than 112 pages.
Review of: It Roamed The Earth
reviewed by Dodgeball on 06/02/2005
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