This is my first Trigger Street review.
As a newbie I will focus on story and character and leave the technical formatting feedback to the more experienced.
I like one of the core ideas of the story: our pasts come back to haunt us.
How do the ghosts of days gone by affect our current relationships, family, work etc.
A modern twist on the Mayor of Casterbridge?
p60 brings out I feel a potentially very entertaining twist on the love triangle.
The hard rocker who now wants to settle down and treat Jen as a lady vs the family guy who wants to break out the inner
porn queen in her.
Nick knows he is a flawed character. You do that very well. The school talk was very well done and can be easily visualized on the
screen. He can see a more moral, clean living future. But just lacks the life skills and experience to put it into practice.
Dave has led the good life but his insecurities and the mid-life crisis on top of the discovery have burst the dam walls.
However, where I feel the story does not fulfil potential is it gets trapped in the Porn-Comedy merry-go-round.
What I mean by that is, it keeps coming back to the same joke.
The films Orgasmo and Zach and Miri Make a Porno have covered a tonne of this territory. Making mainstream comedy out of the
Adult Movie business. Just not sure if the porn comedy element can be carried throughout an entire story. That's just an opinion
of mine. Happy to conceed if others beg to differ.
Not sure if it was your intention but I was disappointed in Dave's character when he contemplates selling their private home
movies. This occurs at a time in the story when we really should be seeing something noble. Something for us to connect with Dave.
Sure, he has gone off the rails after the discovery. And understand there is payoff in the final act. But there is a real risk that
the audience may turn off Dave completely before this final twist. I believe you can still keep the knock out ending but instead of him
entertaining the idea of selling home movies, show another more admiring quality to Dave at this time of the story. Re-introduce the
home tapes into the story for the big payoff.
Overall, you create a good setup and there's an excellent payoff and ending. Maybe there are other unexplored
areas you can exploit with the skeletons in the closet.
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