Good stuff....again.
There has only been one story of yours I didn't really like. You know the one I'm sure. This again, is great stuff.
I'm a sucker for a Knight story. But only ones told well with reason. I love the stripping away of the armour and succuming to the humanity and the love which we all have. This is the true strength to defeat the enemy. Sure, not anew concept but the reason it is classic is that it resonates still.
The creation of the world is well done, the cobbles and well bring the courtyard of castles to mind effectively. The choice of words is great for hinting at the sexual undertones.
The mention of the Wreak is delivered in a matter of fact way that fits rather than seeming like an add on.
Another good, solid short story.
Other Reviews by matt r jones
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Although I enjoyed the descriptive writing and the atmosphere created, I just didn't understand the full meaning of the story.
The writing is good. I liked the trippy colours and creatures that are created and how they are explained to us. As an exercise in that kind of prose, it is a success. As I says, I didn't manage to follow the meaning and this made me feel a bit alien...
Although I enjoyed the descriptive writing and the atmosphere created, I just didn't understand the full meaning of the story.
The writing is good. I liked the trippy colours and creatures that are created and how they are explained to us. As an exercise in that kind of prose, it is a success. As I says, I didn't manage to follow the meaning and this made me feel a bit alien and detatched. It is hard not to think of Alice in Wonderland whenever a character falls and is in a different world and the dancing fleas made me think of the great characters in ALice. This is a great thing to evoke and made me feel confident that, even though I didn't understand it, the story did have meaning that was clear to the author.
I'm sorry I can't be more constructive as it's a story that is a bit out of my remit but the writing is good and enjoyable and I'm glad I read it.
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The most striking thing about the piece is the style. Your use of short sentences that tell the story quickly gave me a real sense of the pace of life sometimes. It works well here as we are made so aware of how fast we lose people and how fleeting reunions can be. In my opinion it does take away a bit of the connection to the character but as the situation is revealed that...
The most striking thing about the piece is the style. Your use of short sentences that tell the story quickly gave me a real sense of the pace of life sometimes. It works well here as we are made so aware of how fast we lose people and how fleeting reunions can be. In my opinion it does take away a bit of the connection to the character but as the situation is revealed that connection grows, through the events and not so much the descriptions. Nothing wrong with that.
I enjoyed the fact that our protagonist is not a big success as we can relate better to someone with flaws. The fashback at the start gives us enough info to imagine the relationship they had and it obviously was a very special one from what you tell us. Good work.
I noticed a couple of those annoying mistakes that creep into our stories from time to time. You say he makes excuses on page 7, I'm sure this should be 'no' excuses.
After the accident you say he feels nocuous when I think should be nauseous. You write that he wonders through the hospital when should be wanders. The final thing that took me out of the story was a sentence on page 12 that describes Sam looking into his mother's eyes. A little rewording will make it flow better and let the intensity of the moment continue.
Overall, the idea isn't ground breaking but the style and the revelation at the end is well done. Just wonder if he would put the drunk driver and Chris together without asking his mother. It may be a chance to go into a bit more of a description of his inner torment and show how alone he now feels after the loss. Just a thought.
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First off, I'd like to get the niggly little punctuation out of the way. On page one the comma use seems to be in the wrong place making the flow awkward. It reads'But, today...' when maybe 'But today, ...' would be better. Page 2 has 'had did' when should just be one of them.
This is nothing but the little things we all miss when writing.
The story itself is one that we...
First off, I'd like to get the niggly little punctuation out of the way. On page one the comma use seems to be in the wrong place making the flow awkward. It reads'But, today...' when maybe 'But today, ...' would be better. Page 2 has 'had did' when should just be one of them.
This is nothing but the little things we all miss when writing.
The story itself is one that we all can relate to. Who doesn't have things they would have liked to have done differently at school and the reunion is always awkward for some. Even if you were the most popular person there is always that element of the old cliques getting together. When they get to the reunion, the story works well. The hesitation and social strangeness is good and is written well. What I think could use some work is the pre-reunion. The introduction to the characters almost makes us not connect to them and so you rely on them being the outcasts to do this. Is there a way to rework the start to introduce both main characters at the same time in a situation where we connect and empathise with them nearly straight away?
Otherwise, I really enjoyed the read. It held my attention and made me relive my own experiences.
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