The opening certainly grabbed my interest. Keri gets into a car accident. David is holding onto a bloodied Eric, etc, etc. This is where you shine. We're introduced to all the characters and settle in. Mel (at least to me) could've had the most interesting plot-line, followed by Jack. Again, these predictions were just In My Humble Opinion.
But then the 2nd act sets up, and I'll be honest, you began to lose me. Characters all began acting exactly the same (Lena = Stubborn, Patrick = Reasonable. David = Stubborn, Eric = Reasonable. Etc) they began talking the same, it was just a bit dull. They all had extremely similar traits and I'd say at least 50% of the scenes in the 2nd act end with someone crying. It feels as though you're trying to FORCE the emotion onto me, rather than letting me gather my own. Did you explain why Jack was the way he was? Because I don't remember. Was constant fame getting to him? Was he abusing himself with drugs? Are you trying to be ironic by having the bartender basically tell him he's overreacting and trying to make a statement that actors DO overreact? And as much as I wanted to like him, Mel seemed like such a wasted character.
But, the ending is pretty well done. Everything ties up completely, everyone is connected, though if personally I had to change something, I'd have made Keri's death last longer. As in followed by a scene in the hospital. But this is your script, not mine, so again I'm just voicing my opinion.
The pacing is done well, the flashbacks/forwards also. Overall it was an interesting read but I'd say it needs some work.
Review of: One Last Time
reviewed by PatDaly319 on 03/07/2008
Other Reviews by PatDaly319 7
A review of Flavor of the Monthby PatDaly319 on 04/19/2008First off, you definitely know your characters. They all have their own traits, talk differently, they all have their own voice and you can easily picture them. The script is very intelligently written, the flow is great (as already mentioned) it reads very, very well. There are some small things I didn't like, though. Why did Elyse (I apologize if I spelled it wrong) kill... read