'Harmony's' harmonious undertone
This reader finds nothing more haunting than horror fiction that could so easily be non-fiction, and 'Harmony' will surely haunt me for days. The prose is very clean and descriptive, leaving the reader with a clear picture of the evil and violence in our world today. This writer also takes the reader on a journey filled with love, faith, horror, debate and laughter; all emotions tightly strung together to create and an effective story. This reader would also like to point out one particular line of description that is an example of this writer's talents, "No one was more sane than Satan himself." Simple, descriptive, precise. Another stellar moment this reader would like to point out is Ed Grossman's speech inside the hummer, which was not overly opinionated or preachy, just a well-defined monologue.
Being such a tightly written story, there is very little to comment on and these next suggestions are only the opinions of this reader: 1) Be careful with the predictability of this piece. Although this reader could not predict how it would end, he was able to predict the story that led to the ending. One suggestion would be just to avoid David's discussing the junket to his wife. It read like a set up. 2) Although the conversation between David and the terrorist at the end is very essential, this reader believes there needs to be a stronger catalyst for the debate to even occur. With a firefight directly overhead and the pressure to rush through the terrorist process, there is some disbelief that the lead terrorist would take the time to stop and discuss their sides at length. Of course, one suggestion would be to have the terrorists escape and not have the ticking clock of the firefight present. 3) Whether is was because this reader was captivated through the entire story and missed any others, there was one misspelling caught on Page 1 - "quiet" should be "quite".
In conclusion, 'Harmony' captures the horrific imagination within a "what if" scenario of what it would be like to be a hostage and the choices we could make if we did not allow fear to control us. An excellent point to apply in every day life.
Other Reviews by nanpinc
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The passion this author has on this subject matter is evident. The story and detailed differences between science and faith are very well executed and well thought out, as if this author personally struggles with this highly complex concept to a point that he personally had to put this story down on paper in order to organize his thoughts on this matter, but then finding an...
The passion this author has on this subject matter is evident. The story and detailed differences between science and faith are very well executed and well thought out, as if this author personally struggles with this highly complex concept to a point that he personally had to put this story down on paper in order to organize his thoughts on this matter, but then finding an entertaining format to share his ideas like he would as if starting a conversation at a party. It also appears that this author has called forth the spirit of Michael Crichton, as he so successfully defined the fine line between science and fiction without the story reading like a science-fiction piece.
Although this reader did enjoy this piece very much, the story did not hook him until Dr. Towers' explanation of the expanding universe, which was brilliantly written and the high-light of the story in this reader's opinion. This may be, in part, because of a few errors and confusing sentence structures that this reader only found within the first eight pages, which leads this reader to believe that these are signs the author did not care as much for these pages as he did beyond the inciting incident, and it shows. Some examples of the problems found in these pages would be at least five typo errors and a portion of a sentence on page 6 "but I got passed Jesse." and "There was a past hurt, suddenly" on page 7. These are only two examples of sentences that could be better constructed because they throw off the flow of the story. However, beyond page eight, the story becomes effortless to read and if there were additional errors, this reader passed right over them.
But overall, the poor sentence structures were minute, and this reader would like to point out a very well thought out line that was captivating and thought provoking on page 11, "Jesse would say he was just like me." Very insightful and really demonstrates why Jesse's character, although brief, is an important character to this story and not just there to have her boyfriend question his beliefs. There is also some very good humor in this story, which was placed perfectly in the right moments.
One other comment this reader would like to point out is when we are in the silo going back through time, we hear Dr. Tower speak his words backwards; however, the words themselves are not backwards. Wouldn't the letters that make up the words be backwards as well? We wouldn't hear the words being said correctly in backwards order. EVERYTHING would be backwards.
Overall, with some minor technical details and struggles to get the story going, Dr. Towers' Babel is an exciting, thought-provoking story which takes the reader on just one, of what could be many, paths to find answers to age-old questions about God and evolution, and is the perfect mixture of Crichton-esque story and science. Well done!
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Wow! This reader saw the "graphic content" warning, but still... Wow! And that's what this reader liked most about Necro Phil.
This writer is at their strongest when describing the horror and brutality that just flies off the page. There is a real vision and emotion in the prose that seems to effortlessly come out and grab the reader's attention and take them on a shocking...
Wow! This reader saw the "graphic content" warning, but still... Wow! And that's what this reader liked most about Necro Phil.
This writer is at their strongest when describing the horror and brutality that just flies off the page. There is a real vision and emotion in the prose that seems to effortlessly come out and grab the reader's attention and take them on a shocking journey that can only end badly for all involved.
However, this reader also needs to comment on what he felt did not work in the piece. In largest part, this reader could not sympathize with Phil, which has nothing to do with his violence, but the innocent victims he chose to do unspeakable horrors to. Although, the writer made it clear why Phil did choose to do these things to his friend's loved ones, this reader does not feel a car accident, which happens to hundreds of people every day, is the strongest choice to bring the emotion that is trying to be conveyed. Additionally, the foundation for Phil's murderous tendencies, by watching a girl die in an accident as a young boy, also felt weak as this reader could not grasp Phil's underlying violence from the result of an "accident". If Phil had witnessed the girl brutally murdered as a young boy, it might make a little more sense.
Secondary to the previous comment, this reader asked himself why Phil did not just go after the friends, why even he bother with their loved ones when his mind was at such a level of insanity. A deeper explanation of why he would rather hurt his friends than kill them is needed. As it stands now, this reader could not connect with Phil's reasoning and isn't sure his madness would be at a "reasoning" state anyway. However, this reader is not suggesting changing the idea of going after the loved ones, as it is the story, but is simply suggesting a more solid approach for this story. An example being that his friend's are untouchable, for one reason or another, so the only way he could exact his revenge is by doing what he does so well to their loved ones.
Finally, this reader was distracted by the bit about Coral being quite the flussy when alive. As it stands now, it reads like an attempt for more drama. If the writer feels it is imparative to the story, it is suggested that it be flushed out more. Perhaps have Phil even question it himself as he's yelling at the child.
Of course, this is all in the opinion of this reader who, overall, thinks there is a gruesome, fun story that just needs a lot of tightening. Great start!
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As this posting of 'Grey Bargains' is technically not a short story, but the first three chapters of a novel or novella, it is difficult to review without having a beginning, a middle and an end. However, this reader will do his best.
Personally, this reader is not a fan of "fairy" realm type stories, but having said that, this reader found these three chapters enjoyable overall...
As this posting of 'Grey Bargains' is technically not a short story, but the first three chapters of a novel or novella, it is difficult to review without having a beginning, a middle and an end. However, this reader will do his best.
Personally, this reader is not a fan of "fairy" realm type stories, but having said that, this reader found these three chapters enjoyable overall. Most of the time, the author has a good sense of description and keeps the prose fresh and interesting; however, there are times when the author may lose his reader's attention by over describing and slowing down the story's pace. Just one very simple example of this would be the description of the pick-up truck. It could possibly be important later in the story, but as these three chapters stand alone, it is not needed. There are more incidents similar to this that this reader would suggest for the author to go back and reanalyze.
Another comment this reader would give is to be careful of typos and grammatical mistakes. Regarding typo's, this reader counted no less than five, and just one example of grammar would be on page 28, "but the real excitement of a true adventure was lost since that night at the party. For the first time that night Tiffany looked upset." The author confuses the reader by referring to "that night" both in the past and in the present.
Again, overall an interesting story. This reader appreciates the light-hearted "dark" elements and the subtle humor, which are very nice touches and kept the attention of someone who otherwise does not read these types of stories. Good luck with the larger project!
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