Hitman with a heart
Pretty standard fair regarding a hitman trying to find love.The main thing that needs work is the main character. There isn't much to him. We have no connection to him on any level. The cops can track down a girl in Vegas named Rachel? I don't think so. That really stands out.I like the deadpool idea but it needs more work. Maybe that's a way to find out more (or some connection) with Red.Why is he so hung up on the girl? Why does she care about him? I couldn't venture a guess.Things I would work on: Making a connection with Red. (Suicidal tendencies aren't it)If you are going to cut between the cops and Red then do that. Maybe the story can revolve around a cop we like going after Red. (Maybe like Heat)
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Other Reviews by dmmovie 13
A review of The Seaby dmmovie on 12/10/2003When reading this script I could tell type of books and movies that influenced the author. That is a good and bad thing. Bad if you want this script picked up by a studio. Good if this the author wants the script to go the independent film route.I struggled with the father's "need vs desire". In the synopsis the author says "The writer must now confront his place in the world,... read
A review of Waiting For The Wormsby dmmovie on 11/14/2003I've always been told to write what I know and the writer knows of what he writes. That being said, the script could use some structure work.The most important structural problem, (and I see this with my writing as well), is “need” vs. “desire”.There are a lot of stories going on here and narrowing it down may help.Focus on Tom’s needs vs. his desires.The only thing... read
A review of Turnaboutby dmmovie on 07/11/2003I really liked the idea and a great deal of the follow through. The 2 major problems with the script was: 1. The names. Maybe use both names in the character heading to avoid confussion. There were serveal times where I had to go back over the script and even then I was a little lost.2. The reveal of the bad guy seems too early. The big twist ending would be a better way to... read