Other Reviews by dmmovie 13

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  Dark and sad
  A review of The Sea
  by dmmovie on 12/10/2003
  When reading this script I could tell type of books and movies that influenced the author. That is a good and bad thing. Bad if you want this script picked up by a studio. Good if this the author wants the script to go the independent film route.I struggled with the father's "need vs desire". In the synopsis the author says "The writer must now confront his place in the world,... When reading this script I could tell type of books and movies that influenced the author. That is a good and bad thing. Bad if you want this script picked up by a studio. Good if this the author wants the script to go the independent film route.I struggled with the father's "need vs desire". In the synopsis the author says "The writer must now confront his place in the world, his relationship to his daughter, and the moral implications of living." I read a lot about a dying daughter and a father who didn't know what to do. There were images of the ocean and birds that represented life and turbulence. All that made sense. I also understand that these images were suppose to represent the father's turmoil but I wanted to see more. If this is going to be an image based piece then change some of the images. Show more of what the father is fighting. Outside of the visit to the run down house and picking up the idol there wasn't much to express his struggle with religion and God.I got that the daughter was dying the second or third time we saw her get sick.There were some great images but think about other ways of expressing the father conflict. read
• 
  Good start
  A review of Waiting For The Worms
  by dmmovie on 11/14/2003
  I've always been told to write what I know and the writer knows of what he writes. That being said, the script could use some structure work.The most important structural problem, (and I see this with my writing as well), is “need” vs. “desire”.There are a lot of stories going on here and narrowing it down may help.Focus on Tom’s needs vs. his desires.The only thing... I've always been told to write what I know and the writer knows of what he writes. That being said, the script could use some structure work.The most important structural problem, (and I see this with my writing as well), is “need” vs. “desire”.There are a lot of stories going on here and narrowing it down may help.Focus on Tom’s needs vs. his desires.The only thing I get from Tom is his desire to kill himself. Why? Why not? What is fighting against his desire?This is the tricky part. What is the conflict and how can you show it?Since this is a very personal story it might help if you focus only on Thom and fictionalize the story even more.Why the drive by?Josh’s girlfriend, if you want to keep that part of the story, doesn’t add much.If she was that important to Josh and you want to spend time on the Josh story develop their relationship.My suggestion would be to get ride of the Josh story and focus on Tom.Develop a way of showing his “wants” or “desire” vs. his “needs”.There is some powerful imagery and some obvious talent. (PS. I was told to never use your name in the script. People shy away from "personal" scripts)Good luck. If you never give up you will never fail. read
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  Irish action
  A review of Turnabout
  by dmmovie on 07/11/2003
  I really liked the idea and a great deal of the follow through. The 2 major problems with the script was: 1. The names. Maybe use both names in the character heading to avoid confussion. There were serveal times where I had to go back over the script and even then I was a little lost.2. The reveal of the bad guy seems too early. The big twist ending would be a better way to... I really liked the idea and a great deal of the follow through. The 2 major problems with the script was: 1. The names. Maybe use both names in the character heading to avoid confussion. There were serveal times where I had to go back over the script and even then I was a little lost.2. The reveal of the bad guy seems too early. The big twist ending would be a better way to do it and have everything resolved a the end instead of 3/4 of the way through.I really liked the action sequence writing. Action is a tough thing to write and the writer did a good job.The dialogue was weak because there were a few times when I didn't know who was talking. I think cleaning up the names would help out greatly. read