Review of: Hope's End 

reviewed by pela-via on 06/03/2009
Credited Review
Hope's End Review Credited Review
This is an impressive little story. You've done a great job with a unique concept. I enjoyed it quite a bit.

First of all, kudos on a great first sentence! My expectations rose immediately.

The writing was really good. I didn't notice any errors or phrasing issues. The use/restraint of adjectives and adverbs felt well balanced. The few metaphors were great and well placed.

I liked 'carousel of confusion.'

I liked this sentence: 'His eyes shot around the room, taking in Sandy, the bodies, the man, the door, Sandy, the door, Alice, the man, the door…'

The ideas in this story are pretty deep. I think you did a good job of tapping into something timeless, and that's always nice.

A couple minor notes.
'He smelled of cowardice, and…...' I couldn't help but wonder... what? I guessed it was something related to how/why they were there, but I don't know if that's what you intended ?

'hollow thud.' I paused at this because I really couldn't imagine a hollow thud.

I thought your ending took a daring, interesting turn. I liked that you didn't use one of the two I expected. (Daniel the hero or all three murdered.) Although, I have to say, the ambiguity became a thing for me at the end. Meaning, I liked the mysteries before, but at the end it wasn't clear to me what exactly happened. And maybe you wanted that effect ? But it may have felt smoother for me to have that last part spelled out a bit more. Did Sandy die ? from the lack of insulin ? Was Alice facing a slow death from ... being stuck? I'm sorry - I'm probably a dense reader.

Great job. You write like a pro.

Other Reviews by pela-via 51

  • by pela-via on 05/31/2009
    This story was enjoyable. The descriptions of contact, the narrow focus on the moment - all great. You captured the height of a crush perfectly. The rapture and angst that we feel - that we miss feeling as settled adults - were there in full effect. I followed this story with a sense of excitement for what might happen between them. It was lovely for that aspect alone... read
  • A review of Self-Murder Attempt
    by pela-via on 05/18/2009
    This wasn't bad. I think it needs a few changes, but overall it is solid authentic material. ***First of all, you're sharing a personal private story about attempted suicide; volumes could be said in response to such a thing. I'm not addressing that aspect in this review. I'm not personally callous to your traumatic experience, I'm just focused on the writing.*** on the... read
  • A review of 36 Belial Place
    by pela-via on 05/14/2009
    I really liked this story. It's tight and sharp. Very chilling. I think you have great writing talent. I don't have any complaints with this one. It does what it sets out to do. I think it's a successful short story! Some ideas. The last line sort of dropped cadence for me. To accomplish the strong finish you've set up, I'd consider either stopping at 'Somewhere I... read
+ more reviews