I see that this story has been out a while, so I imagine that you’ve heard about everything you need to for this intriguing short story.
First of all, your character development, and the internal struggles of both our main character and his wife are expertly developed and presented to the reader. I found the suffering of Grand pa here, along with all the baggage we get to glimpse throughout the story, moving and realistic. I felt sympathy for both him and his wife. You’re clearly comfortable with writing, and I found the use of language refreshing in your lack of cliché.
The use of the lottery ticket was interesting, and it did a good job adding an element of mystery. I have to admit, however, that it seemed almost irrelevant to the majority of the story. The primary purpose appeared to be to create a sense of mortality for our main character, to increase the tension on the PCH, and to provide a reward at the end. So in the end, Rumors of Exigence is a strong human drama with a subtle supernatural bent. Don’t get me wrong. The story is solid and is very entertaining. This is a testimony to your skill at presenting strong characters with gripping internal conflicts.
The only other point I’d make is how, for just a sentence or two, you allow the point of view to shift from your main character to the homeless man. The purpose seemed to be to highlight a general mood of despair in the setting, but when 99% of the story is from the POV of one character, this deviation is a little disruptive.
P 5 As each passed with windows up and eyes front his shoulders dropped a fraction of a millimeter more, his heart beat a fraction of second slower, a little bit more hope leaked out, a little bit more despair leaked in.
I enjoyed your story quite a bit. Nicely done.
Review of: Rumors of Exigence
reviewed by W.E. Linde on 02/14/2011
Other Reviews by W.E. Linde 18
A review of Dr. Tower's Babelby W.E. Linde on 02/09/2011I have to admit, I’ve just felt the first pangs of professional envy. Dr. Towers’ Babel is a wondrously told tale that blends science fiction, mystery, and religion in a way that is not only entertaining, it’s mesmerizing. The story is original, and the structure is well done in that the reader is drawn into a convincing and utterly believable world where science is pushed... read
A review of THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MANby W.E. Linde on 02/08/2011I didn’t know what to expect with this story. In all honesty, after the introduction of a hard nosed detective at the outset, I was concerned that I was in for 15 pages of clichés. That concern evaporated quickly once “Quincy” was introduced. There were two really notable strengths to your story that stood out to me. First was the way the story effortlessly evolved from... read
A review of The Sown (rev)by W.E. Linde on 02/07/2011For science fiction to work, an author has to create a world that the reader is willing to accept. It doesn’t have to be plausible or even remotely “realistic”, but it has to feel legitimate within the context of the story. It really is the first test of a good science fiction story, and you’ve done this very well. The description of the stasis chamber, the reanimation, and... read