I love me.
Self love taken to the ultimate point. I loved it!
The storyline was about a man who has bad luck in relationships. He is looking for the perfect soul mate and then it happened. . .
The film wasn't smooth it was cut-out puppet style. the storyline was smooth and seamless and carried to the ultimate conclusion. Sometimes we just have to do the best we can with the relationship we have.
The film quality was good, editing was adequate and it was a thoroughly enjoyable film.
Other Reviews by chessaol
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The story is about a chance encounter with a generous foreigner who gives a gift of modest value.
The author has a good idea and does a pitiful job with it. There are many lapses in the storyline that need to be cleaned up. Spell checker was used and grammar and punctuation are adequate.
A storyline has a beginning, a middle and an end and the reader shouldn’t see the end...
The story is about a chance encounter with a generous foreigner who gives a gift of modest value.
The author has a good idea and does a pitiful job with it. There are many lapses in the storyline that need to be cleaned up. Spell checker was used and grammar and punctuation are adequate.
A storyline has a beginning, a middle and an end and the reader shouldn’t see the end coming and there should be a big moment, surprise or a twist at the end to set the story firmly in the readers mind.
This story must have been edited several times by the author because he forgot to read what he wrote and blend it in with the story being told.
IE: Rennagron came to Australia a week ago.
What Rennagron did not know was, as irony would have it, his group migrated to Australia at about the same time when Stanley got his drug addiction.
That means Stanley has a drug addiction that has made him homeless and destitute in one week?
IE: “-- Even though the tooth was chipped from a knight’s sword, from centuries ago, he could still fetch eighty bucks for…”
Where do we get a knight in this story? This is a completely unconnected bit of information that doesn’t add to the story but just confuses things.
There are poor choices of syntax. IE “Grinded Mandrake,” should be ground mandrake.
---“They always had good beverages, made with such craftsmanship, and usually ready for him on a table before he came close.”
This statement is awkward and doesn’t make sense in real life. Why would a restaurant in a town you have only been in a week put drinks on a table before you come close? It would be easier on the reader to change it to” drinks were placed on the table at his favorite restaurant even before he sat down…..or something like that.
There are gaps and lapses and just poor proof reading in the story. I suggest to the author that he try one or more of several proofreading techniques.
1.. Get somebody else to read over your work.
2.. Wait a while after you write a piece to proof it.
3.. look at the work with a fresh eye.
Try not to read what you wrote but actually see the words. The human mind plays tricks and we see what we THINK we wrote instead of the words we actually wrote. A timeout helps or having somebody else read your work usually remedies the problem.
I have other issues with the story that need work but are not review issues.
The writing is very plain and the dialogue is spotty.
Try to make your work richer which helps draw the reader into the story. What is happening around and to the characters? Make the information dense and interesting.
A hook in the beginning works well for this purpose and making your character expose himself to a druggie who is in a cloud and suddenly realizes the man in front of him has scales and claws did that very well.
Dialogue isn’t just people talking to each other it is a vehicle that moves characters around and reveals new aspects of the story or character. Try to consciously do this in writing your story and you will be amazed at how alive it makes the story.
The author shows creativity and purpose and his idea was sound but the writing was weak. I look forward to your next story.
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The surf is up in France and the beautiful willing girls abound.
Travis travels the world and has a good time. The story reflects this and makes pleasant reading. There were a few problems.
The author doesn’t make 3 dimensional characters and that is a must in fine literature. This is a casual story but we all are trying to become better authors. A character has a past a...
The surf is up in France and the beautiful willing girls abound.
Travis travels the world and has a good time. The story reflects this and makes pleasant reading. There were a few problems.
The author doesn’t make 3 dimensional characters and that is a must in fine literature. This is a casual story but we all are trying to become better authors. A character has a past a present and a future. This is easy. The author still uses quotation marks to emphasize a word where italics are more appropriate.IE:
P1..Although Travis had surfed back home in Santa Cruz, he was
by no means and expert surfer. In fact he was just average.
( Travis has a past and a present we need a future IE: and after his vacation he is going to become a pig farmer in Santa Monica.)
P2..there were a lot of “regular” surfers ( not a quote use Italics instead)
P3..Ginger was a pretty blonde and was filling out her bikini nicely.
Oswald wore his swimming trunks and held onto his surf board
(missed opportunity to make 3 dimensional, Travis met them in a Brittany hostel. Where were they from? Where are they going? How are they going to get there?
P3..Travis took off his jeans to reveal his swimming trunks he had
Been wearing underneath.
( Simpler is better and less awkward = Travis took off his jeans he had his swimming trunks underneath)
P6..Camille strode up to Adele a (and) kissed her on her lips
( who are they and where are they from or going to?)
P8..took off his clothes and slipped in besides her.
(beside)
Did I enjoy the story? Yes.
Clean easy to read and enjoyable. I hate to have to review it because it was Ok. The author is so close that a little edit and this story is a go.
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The old man lived alone and in peace with the world until she came along and changed everything.
The story is well written with a peaceful slow rhythm. There is complete harmony and completeness about the story. Sentence and paragraph structures were maintained and spell checker was used. Overall it is a well-written story.
This is the second story I have reviewed for this...
The old man lived alone and in peace with the world until she came along and changed everything.
The story is well written with a peaceful slow rhythm. There is complete harmony and completeness about the story. Sentence and paragraph structures were maintained and spell checker was used. Overall it is a well-written story.
This is the second story I have reviewed for this author. He has the same weakness in both, a lack of a hook. If I was casually reading this work I would have thrown it aside and picked up something else. Why? The story takes too long to get into the meat. The slow pace fits the style of the author but there isn’t anything interesting happening for 6 pages. The old man and the dog wander around in their private world for 6 pages and then a story begins. Why not have the man start out something like: I almost died in the car wreck and if it weren’t for my dog molly I wouldn’t have made it. We moved to this peaceful mountain and I retreated to my first love painting or specifically painting my first love….. I don’t pretend to rewrite an author’s story but this one has the skills to think up a hook for himself and it makes a much better story.
The author has a point to make and he did it very well. Life is sometimes hard to abandon and we cling to it. The gentle release was excellently and compassionately done. Very good job!
There is completeness to the storyline and there are no gaps or lapses in the telling. Information is fed to the reader in small doses and it fits well with the writing style.
The writing style is plain with bouts of details. There isn’t enough descriptiveness in the story and parts are stark and plain and some is a little detailed. An attempt to write a fuller richer story would add interest.
Did I like the story? Yes.
The story was slow paced in the beginning and I spent the time collecting details to do my review with. After 6 pages of nothing happening a lovely story finally emerged from the background details. The story after page 6 is wonderful and I enjoyed it very much.
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