The Motor City Madman says...I was very curious about this screenplay because I am the father of an autistic child and wanted to see how the writer dealt with that. As written, I can see the character of Ned maybe suffering from Asbergur's syndrome, but a very mild case. The most notible symptom of autism is the difficulty of communication. Even high function autistics stammer, stutter, repeat themselves over and over, and in many cases cannot create spontaneous communication, parroting what others have said. Ned's character is very in touch with his feelings and his voice overs are too articulate for a man with his disability. Also, most autistics are non violent and comfortable living in their own little worlds because it is hard for them to relate emotionally. An example, I've seen five autistic childred pick out five trucks to play with, then go out the back yard and each child plays by themselves in their own areas. And these children are very high functioning.
My second problem with this script is that it's called I want to kill and nobody dies until p.77. I want carnage man! Blood, guts, violence!
On the mother's death, how fast was the car going? I can see getting injured, but not killed.
I would also recommend getting rid of the narration and replace it with action. I know your goal was a lot of narration but I think it takes away from the script because you could replace it with action. Like when Ned's getting butt raped, we know his butt hurts, we don't need his narrator to know this.
Having him meet a mass murderer out of the blue seems a little unlikly. In fact, without harry, Ned has to figure out how to get out of his own trouble like the second confrontation with Stan. I almost felt cheated when Harry came in to save the day.
You have two montages pretty close together. Not too big a deal, but it might mess with the coninuity of the film.
The mini mart where Ned carries the pistol would probably have a video tape of this happening. That would lead the cops right to his place.
Overall there is a story there. The motivation is a little misplaced. Like if he didn't go after stan with a knife and he raped him anyway, that would make him a victim and would be more motivating to cause him to want to kill. think about taxi driver. DeNiro's motivation drove him crazy, he was nuts, but we all understood where he came from. He was affected by the things that happened to him and took action to make things right (at least in his own mind).
Review of: i WanT tO kiLL
reviewed by tednugent on 09/17/2009
Other Reviews by tednugent 32
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A review of Falling Starsby tednugent on 09/19/2009The motor city madman says... I see you posted a first draft. Did you know that Hemingway once stated that the first draft of anything is shit! This sir, is not shit. I liked the story, and I particularily liked the twist at the end when Nokola ends up being the antigonist. The way you tell the story is good. I also enjoyed the characters. I think you were a little vague... read