This is another short inspired from your live that I found interesting. As I think I have mentioned before, true stories always seem much richer than those that are simply made up - and this shows through with this piece. Point of fact, this story is very rich and covers a lot of ground. You could make a much longer work out of this - really, you could take this and develop an outline for a novel. I think you have great material here to work with to develop a substantial literary piece. A story about these two women and their families at the turn of the century would find a wide audience.
- There are a few issues requiring additional author edits; "she" on page 9 should be She, some paragraph indentations are needed and a review of comma placement. The best way to deal with this is to simply re-read the piece over and fix what you catch with every reading. It usually takes me many readings to get an "error clean" piece.
Review of: The Queens of Dreams
reviewed by Cenydd Ros on 04/17/2011
Other Reviews by Cenydd Ros 141
A review of The Currentby Cenydd Ros on 07/17/2011Some of this is nicely wriiten, making use of some flavorful prose. Mostly, I liked the language/writing craft of the action lines. e.g. encapsulating Tendrils of smoke waft toes webbed with soap bubbles a squalid living room "Getting your hole" - Didn't get this line. To be frank, I feel that flashbacks generally suck. I just don't think it is a good approach to story telling... read
A review of BATTLESAURSby Cenydd Ros on 07/06/2011- Having worked both academically and professional as an archaeologist, I can tell you I was biting into my tongue on page 1. I would suggest having a paleontologist on the team in the opening segment. - I am not sure which would be the most amazing discovery, that there were humans one million years ago or that there were still dinosaurs one million years ago. :) - This is... read
A review of EARTHSHAKERSby Cenydd Ros on 06/23/2011This being the third script of yours I have read, I must note that you have one hell of an imagination - and you create some very interesting (i.e. entertaining) visuals and elements in your work. There is much in the way of "eyepopping" candy in your stories that would make them something to see on the big screen. Overall, you have a good sense of creating images for the screen... read