I have to admit when I read your logline, I thought it was hilarious but I was unsure how youíd be able to sustain this concept for the whole script.
But actually once I started reading I really fell in love with Mr Turpin & Mr Pillar that Iíd pretty much go anywhere with them.
Spencer is beautifully constructed as the straight, earnest, sensible guy. And Tom is his perfect foil in being the weird, quirky guy who innocently just makes stuff happen by accident.
There are genuinely funny moments between these two not just in dialogue but in the scenes you have set up. Act I is particularly strong. I love the part where Spencer doesnít realize he is getting fired then goes to lunch with Tom but then Tom canít afford to pay. Itís a great intro to these characters.
They are both totally unique, there is great conflict in scenes between them and the result is you really want to root for Spencer and Tom to succeed.
Some people think films like Schindlerís List and The Godfather are masterpieces. But at least these are based on books or history. Some of my favorite films are films about nothing. For example, Road Trip where the writer invents a reason to go across the country or even Harold & Kumar go to White Castle where they are just trying to get to a burger joint. These kinds of films really test the writer because youíve got to make a whole lot of un-clichťd shit up on your own.
The only suggestions I have are more to do with plot and structure.
Valentineís / St. Patrickís Day/ Easter / Halloween / Thanksgiving / Christmas sequence. I think that Spencer wins back Monica way too soon. Right now itís at the end of Act II where everything should be going wrong. Well, it does go wrong but then all too soon itís fixed again. I think the reconciliation part should be part of Act III and it has to be linked to the climax.
Then when everything goes wrong at the end of Act II wouldnít it be stronger if it was related to the core concept of film rather than the strippers. This is a story about guys who are faking a company so they can get their next job. For example, what if the lawyers who they play kickball against (or they could be a team of cops, journalists, etc) find out and expose IDS Business Consultants on television/Youtube. Then everyone in the USA knows they are fake and itís going to be impossible for them to ever get another job again. Then Monica decides to call off the engagement. Then Act III is about them coming up with an idea that saves both Spencer and Tom and gets Spencer and Monica back together.
Also in Act III something bigger has to happen. At the moment they just sort of talk a lot. They need to do stuff. I really like the idea how they form this company and realize they can work by themselves independently and be the ďBoss of MeĒ. But again how to relate it to what you already have in the script? I like the flash mobs -- they are quirky -- but can you tie it into the core concept of the script? Do they rent themselves out as a flash mob for TV commercials or extras in epic movies or at demonstrators of companies closing down? Are they the most awesome flash mob rivaling even entertainment like Circe de Sole? Anyways it could be anything but my point is they somehow have to reinvent themselves and work for themselves.
Thatís pretty much all I have for you. Your character work is really strong. I'd follow these guys anywhere. I just reckon you could tie the plot more to your core concept.
Review of: Boss of Me
reviewed by Craig Rosenthal on 01/29/2012
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