Review of: Growing Up 

reviewed by LBarbarell on 06/27/2011
Credited Review
I'm Afraid I'm at a Loss on this One Credited Review
I must confess I had no idea what the flashbacks were about. I'm not even sure they were flashbacks, since they were written in present tense, while the present-day stuff was written in past tense. Backwards? I'm not sure.

The bottom line is that I wasn't able to follow the story. Sorry.

In addition to lack of clarity in the story, the storytelling is somewhat disjointed, as discussed in the following page notes.

P.2: The first paragraph doesn't flow as well as it should. We don't know that the guy walking down the driveway is Scott; we have to figure it out. Might be better to say, “Scott, the shop's owner, was walking...” instead of splitting the occupation and name over two somewhat unrelated sentences. The paragraph itself bounces from backstory (the burdens of being an older brother, etc.) to physical description (looked like an athlete, etc.) and back to backstory (resuming discussion of brotherly burdens, etc.). It might be clearer if you started with physical description first , then flowed smoothly into backstory.

P 2: In paragraph 2, the POV shifts from Scott to Brian. It's confusing; when you say “his grandfather,” we're not sure if you mean Scott or Brian's grandfather until we stop to figure it out.

P. 4: First line: Who is Kenny?

P. 6: Brian's statement is separated from Scott's response by half a page of flashback. So, by the time Scott says, “I remember,” we have no idea what he remembers.

Other Reviews by LBarbarell 469

  • by LBarbarell on 07/11/2012
    The story has a nice, melancholy, Ray Bradbury-ish quality to to it. Though it's science fiction, the sci-fi is secondary to the story: it's a device to explore the characters and the worlds they may or may not actually inhabit. I think it's fairly original, sort of like a computer game that attempts to simulate the spiritual aspects of life rather than the physical. The... read
  • A review of The Infinite Flu
    by LBarbarell on 06/25/2012
    I wonder if that boss is going to attend Bob's funeral. Except for the fact that the lips were out of synch with the sound, probably a web issue and not the fault of the film, I thoroughly enjoyed this. Things I liked included: - The boss sounded real. Basically uncaring, humorless, and completely lacking imagination. Good voice talent. - The onscreen actor was sufficiently... read
  • A review of Snitches Get Bullets
    by LBarbarell on 06/22/2012
    Since this short is about bullets, here are my bullet points: The Good o Tight editing. o Great music selections but I'm not sure your disclaimer gets you off the hook with regard to copyright. o Great photographic composition in the opening scene. o Gun firing was realistic. o The mostly sepia look somehow increased realism. o Acting was OK, but hooker moved awkwardly... read
+ more reviews