Review of: The Car and Candice (Revised) 

reviewed by TOFMatt on 09/01/2011
Credited Review
TOFMatt
Interesting cross-play, apt writing style Credited Review
You won't find any big action or high-concept in The Car and Candice - in fact, the story itself is almost boldly down-to-earth. Despite the fact that very little actually happens, the prose is pretty sharp and varied enough to hold interest. Some of the scenes do tend to drag a bit (the conversation between Max and Al, the lead up to picking up Candice) which would be alright if they served a greater purpose.

That is really the biggest critique one can levy against this story. It seems to be a story about two people who's lives are devoted to the service of others. By picking up the prostitute, the idea (at least as this reviewer understands it) is to finally put Max in control of something until the timer runs out, at which point he serves her, and at the end they "meet in the middle" with the twenties which symbolizes their understanding. The problem is, Max already seems to have too much control with his boss at the beginning which weakens this overall dynamic. It never seems so much that Max is being tread on (beyond the fact that he tells us directly that he is), and moreso he's begrudgingly doing a favor. With a slight re-working of this conversation, and some more elaboration on the thematic musings on his drive to the park (the bits describing how he can't really go anywhere or do anything is a good start), would really strengthen this message. As it stands, I only feel I just barely got it at the end.

Finally, this work could use a quick read-over as there are a few instances of missing words.

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