Review of: The Ghost 

reviewed by LBarbarell on 11/19/2010
Credited Review
It Was the Worst of Times and the Worst of Times Credited Review
I thought the first half of this story was amazing. Some will say that the preamble was too long, but I found it mesmerizing. It reminded me of Dickens’ opening of “Tale of Two Cities,” not in content but in the effective telling of the broad historical back-story.

The second act (Aamir’s plight) was even better.

But the Ghost and Cassie third act was nowhere near as original as the material that preceded it. It was comic book stuff, Steven Seagal stuff. If you can address that, this will be a corker.

Page notes:

P. 3: “Be in” is an awkward way to end this sentence. How about something like: “It was in this world, these former glorious lands of the free, where people like Aamir had the rotten luck to be.”

P. 4: The kissing frog dialogue doesn’t work. The Aladdin joke was OK, but not the frog.

P.6: “end on” should be “went on.”

P. 18: “Figures,” she added. “The oldest trick in the book.” Not a great line. This is a girl who knows nothing about guns and was reluctant to even touch one, yet now she’s quick to banter about body armor being an old trick. The word “figures” is also a problem: why does it “figure,” in her mind, that the Ghost would resort to an “old trick?” And body armor is not a trick, anyway.

P. 20: Why “Carcasses?” They’re not dead.

Other Reviews by LBarbarell 469

  • by LBarbarell on 07/11/2012
    The story has a nice, melancholy, Ray Bradbury-ish quality to to it. Though it's science fiction, the sci-fi is secondary to the story: it's a device to explore the characters and the worlds they may or may not actually inhabit. I think it's fairly original, sort of like a computer game that attempts to simulate the spiritual aspects of life rather than the physical. The... read
  • A review of The Infinite Flu
    by LBarbarell on 06/25/2012
    I wonder if that boss is going to attend Bob's funeral. Except for the fact that the lips were out of synch with the sound, probably a web issue and not the fault of the film, I thoroughly enjoyed this. Things I liked included: - The boss sounded real. Basically uncaring, humorless, and completely lacking imagination. Good voice talent. - The onscreen actor was sufficiently... read
  • A review of Snitches Get Bullets
    by LBarbarell on 06/22/2012
    Since this short is about bullets, here are my bullet points: The Good o Tight editing. o Great music selections but I'm not sure your disclaimer gets you off the hook with regard to copyright. o Great photographic composition in the opening scene. o Gun firing was realistic. o The mostly sepia look somehow increased realism. o Acting was OK, but hooker moved awkwardly... read
+ more reviews