I liked this. It was a fun read. I didn't take any notes regarding the structure, because I never ran across anything that begged comment. From what I know, which isn't terribly much, there seems to be a number of things contested as to what is proper and what isn't. I mean in terms of exactly how you reference an intercut, when a scene heading is mandatory as opposed to a slug, etc. I'm still too green in these areas to make statements on that type of thing unless they are really distracting or obvious. They weren't.
Another thing I'm not real clear on is the story arc. I can't really find a defining moment with Ned where we go from act 1 to 2 and 2 to 3. These types of things stump me in my own writing, and I sometimes think we get too concerned with trying to make those definitions overly sharp and appearing in the script in specific time frames, etc.
Bottom line here is that I enjoyed the story, found it a quick and fun read, and nothing jumped out at me as a big problem. I'm sorry for that, because I know you would like some advice on improving it, and in that regard I let you down.
The one thing that did kinda make me wonder in a few spots was the seeming changes in Ned's demeanor, but looking back on them, I wonder if they are just do to him being 'slow' but not stupid. Anyway, I had fun reading it. Best of luck.
Review of: i WanT tO kiLL
reviewed by gapoz on 09/19/2009
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