I thought this was a very good character piece about a man who's gotten to the point where he doesn't so much live as he does remember living. The small details (a boiled egg, two slices of toast, prune juice, the Iron Works, "God Bless the Child") were an eloquent touch.
I would have liked to see more of Conrad's coping in day to day life--a contrast to his memories of the good old days--but we do get the sense of his sadness, and of how he clings to things, both physical and emotional.
Overall the dialogue was good, especially the supporting characters, but it's hard to establish Conrad's age from his dialect and speech patterns, which might be worth working on. I hadn't realized quite how old he must be until there was the discussion of teeth implants. That's a small matter, perhaps, but sometimes it's the small details that can really elevate a piece.
Anyway, I thought it was well done and I enjoyed it. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Review of: Last Grains of Sand
reviewed by dgburton on 02/28/2011
Other Reviews by dgburton 67
A review of Snapshot of BeautyThis is a beautifully written, tender story about how so much can unfold in just a few moments. Your prose is the strength of the piece, very sensual and descriptive, and it's easy to imagine and dream on such a sanctuary as you've created and shared here. The thoughts of the lovers, though possibly fleeting, are bound up with such universal and timeless emotion that it would... read
A review of The story of the TattooThis was quite a funny piece. You set the tone early with the light-bulb gag, and it really was a fun ride. I would think this would make a good sample piece if you were interested in writing a humor column for your local newspaper ala Dave Barry. (Do newspapers even exist anymore?) Anyway, I quite enjoyed it and you have some terrific lines. I would have liked to see the... read
A review of Tell Me a StoryI thought this was an interesting premise for a story. The narrator a little like Travis Bickle from "Taxi Driver" but even more demented and driven. I think an opportunity was missed with the victim though. I would have liked to actually here a story, as requested, rather than the begging and pleading that followed. What kind of story would the victim have told? It could have... read