Review of: Hierarchy
reviewed by atlhalfjap on 09/02/2004
Lots of twists
Some I didn't understand. For instance I got lost on the whole Anna/Heirarchy swtich thing. It didn't seem to flow. I also had problems with SO much of the fighting and action, I had difficulty visiualizing all of it. Anna seems to be a fairly thin character, I know she's trying to save her husband but I know nothing else about her. Have you considered giving Anna and Kane a child, so that they have something more personal to fight for. I don't really understand WHO they are fighting for. Yes, the rebels, I got that but WHO are the Rebels and why are they rebelling? How is the Herirachy mistreating the non imprisioned people? I don't really invset in the Rebel strugle. This seems to me to be a LOT of action for no reason. On the technical side, you might want to look at your action paragraphs and seeing if you can pare them down. They seem a bit long to me. I had some issues with formatting in my version of your SP (Wordpad was used by my computer to open it.) There are some character/dialogue lines that slam into each other. You have a coupla typos. This reads more like a short story than a SP.
Other Reviews by atlhalfjap 49
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