On a dark and stormy night, in a darkened car on the path to hell he drove. She is a slut and he is dying, why not send them to hell together?
The storyline is straight and true with no deviations or side paths. The story is transparent to a fault and then the writer tells the story from a first party position. It would be difficult to find a way to tell an interesting and dynamic story in a more boreing manner.
The writing style is english teacher perfect. The spelling and punctuation is good. The style is not.
The two main characters are in a love-hate relationship. She is cheating scum and he is dying. The dynamics and tension of the storyline scream at you.
The characters are one diminsional and the story is told like reading a grocery list. I recommend bringing the characters to life. There is not one word of dialogue in the entire story. Why not have the characters interact with each other?
The same story could be told in a more dialogue driven manner. Why did the cheating bitch keep comming back? did she love him deep down inside? What were her motivations? She could easily become alive and a vibrant character to the betterment of the story.
Why did he keep taking her back? was it self pity? Did he love her? was it lust? Is it defiance of his family? what are his motivations for his actions? Dialogue would help unlock his mind . . .
A story should have a beginning a middle and an end. The story is told in a curved path revealing the elements to the story as they become important to the story. The ending should be hidden from the reader to build interest. HIDDEN!!! the ending can be a surprise twist, a big emotional event or a touching moment to give closure to the story.
This story starts by revealing the ending in the first part, then it goes there! why not at the last moment have him repent and save her? He could lose his life in a valient sacrefice.. She could reveal that she loves him and could not stand the thought of his death and they reconcile their differences on the brink of destruction...She is dying too...His brother anticipates the suicide and stops them at the last dramatic moment...
There are lots of plot ideas that could be used that keep the story from being transparent and end the story on a big moment. That would add interest and completeness to the story.
Review of: Night of the Storm
reviewed by chessaol on 07/02/2009
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