Review of: The F Line 

reviewed by MSchmidt13 on 11/12/2010
Credited Review
Me Sing Baritone Credited Review

As much as I would like this to be a full comedy I was fully aware that it was probably going to be more of a serious adventure story. The disparity between the raunchiness of the highs and the bleakness of the lows was, however, not something that I was expecting. This is a great concept for a comedy. Two stoners mixed up in a murder plot trying to get out by the time their trip kicks in would have been perfect for a late seventies Cheech & Chong flick. Hell, I’d write it.

Anywho, comedy or no, the concept sounds pretty cool which is why I wanted to read this. I’ll start this review with some notes that I took as I read.

7 - Funny so far. “I find that strangely appealing.” Good stuff.

18 - It’d be nice to have actual neighborhoods and street names but it’s not a big deal.

26 - Too far into the script to get here but I was glad we were getting to the real story now.

29 - Shouldn’t they eat the shrooms before the murder? Even I wouldn’t eat a bunch of super-shrooms after that shit. And I’m really dumb!

41 - Still just a straight up raunchy comedy. It’s half of the movie. If you're gonna go dark you gotta start sooner.

47 - So, uh, why are they doing this subplot? Maybe you need to hammer down exactly what these guys are carrying in the way of motivation. You’d think Atticus wouldn’t want to take drugs after a murder. You’d think these guys would want to contact police or get off of the street and hide but instead they get led into an apartment and then agree to go sell a bunch of coke just as their buzzes are kicking in. I’m just not sure why they decide to do what they do when they do it so far.

It turns out one of them is just really stoned and is imagining all of this anyway. Oh… I can’t get into that from a critical standpoint let alone if I had just watched this myself.

55 - Predictable turn in such an overall insane script but it is structurally sound. Stakes get raised here.

56 - Vial.

71 - Add some color to this stuff. He’s in a crazy dream high. What’s the world around him look like?

I’d love to see stuff like a living 3rd rail that shoots sparks floating into the air or graffiti morphing and coming to life around him. Insect wings are good. I’d just suggest more compelling visuals for the screen.

77 - Describe his eyes? Etc, etc, etc.

83 - Describe the souls and their departures?

86 - Mixed up action lines here?

91 - These flashbacks are going to be disorienting on-screen.

99 - Or you could go to the Bahamas like you said. That might more sense. You did make kind of a big deal around that living poster with Alice on it and the three girls. All that shit was just for that one superfluous scene?


So, how does it all add up?

Let’s start with the first half -

"Fantasy" Atticus and Francis, while being reasonably different in terms of character, sound a lot alike most of the time. Atticus is your average smart-ass sex hound that you see in just about every raunchy comedy. It works okay but he needs something else if he’s gonna stick out. That goes for our straight man Francis too.

I like the singing girls and Alice. It's just fun and slightly charming.

There’s no real tension and you could have plenty of it if that’s something you want to do.

You’re probably missing plenty of opportunities to make this thing a true visual feast. They’re hallucinating, after all. Watch some old ass cartoons - you know, the ones where all the animators were addicted to ether - and get inspired.

And then there’s the second half -

You might benefit from a little more comedy in the second half. Or tone most of it down in the first half. The first half is a screwball buddy comedy and the second half is a dark hallucination followed by a depressing supposed sobriety. I’d like to see the second half lighten way the fuck up or see the first half, well, just like not exist I guess.

So, what I mean is that you David Lynch-ed me by shoving two movies with completely different tones together and blending them into a single story that appears to be a delusion but is dispelled after a tripped out journey and the audience sees the “truth” with their own eyes. It is a harsh truth and one that is far too cruel and tonally different for our audience, who should be invested in the characters from the delusion that didn’t really even exist, to truly get on board with.

It’s a nice job of blurring the lines between reality and fantasy that could be made better with additional clarity. I’m not really sure what the chain of events truly was. Right now I feel like it’s all too muddled. I don't mind a fake reality, I just wonder why it was so important for me to experience the delusion. What does the delusion have to do with the reality? I know you may have wanted a level of confusion but it isn’t that satisfying in the end because it opens up too many questions. Who was the dude in the beginning and why’d he see the woman in the white dress? What caused the massive delusions? What was the point of spending half of the movie in a pleasant fantasy world that didn’t exist but was totally normal and mundane in most respects just to switch over to a second, whackier and visually trippy fantasy world that grows darker and darker, finally winding up in a barrage of flashbacks that may or may not be real themselves?

It’s just too schizophrenic for my tastes. But it’s not bad and it is a well done script that I enjoyed experiencing. You get no below average marks from me in any way. I just couldn’t truly dig it on the same level that I am sure others will.

I hope these comments can assist you in some way. Hit me back if you wish.

Good luck and cheers!


The Yard birds - Lost Woman
The Beatles - Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da
The Buzzcocks - Moving Away From the Pulsebeat
The Police - Secret Journey
White Town - Your Woman
Crystal Castles - Tell Me What To Swallow
Kings of Leon - The End

Other Reviews by MSchmidt13 92

  • by MSchmidt13 on 01/03/2011
    Aloha, amigo! Let’s boogie… 2 - It’s a pretty good sign when the second line of your script can make me laugh out loud. 7 - I think that last scene works better this time around. 8 - Dang, yo, Ted’s a total villainous mother fucker. Kind of abrupt. 15 - Love that scene. 16 - And it gets better. The pitfalls of our antag’s comedic foils works so well when you pair it with... read
  • by MSchmidt13 on 11/16/2010
    Aloha! First things first, guys. Your title has way too many fucking numbers in it. In fact, I never allow numbers to dictate when I do or don’t do something. That’s why I always randomize their order to keep mother fuckers on their toes. So, just forget all the numbers ‘cause that’s what I do and I just go when I feel like it. You should replace them all with exclamation... read
  • by MSchmidt13 on 09/24/2010
    Aloha! I am not sure as to how receptive you will be towards this review and my opinions. Truth be told, I’m usually kind of an asshole. Reviewing isn’t something I particularly enjoy. I’m pretty much just trying to tell you what to do with your own creation. You can take what I have to say or you can leave it and no matter what it’s just my opinion. I’m only one dude in a... read
+ more reviews