One of the first scripts I reviewed when I first joined TS was your SP ‘Retro Speck.’ I enjoyed that one very much so I was thrilled to have another of your works assigned. And it doesn’t disappoint: I can see why this is a Blue Star script.
Page 1: “A damp mist rises from the dirty cobbles...” – Great opening image.
Page 9: MIA (V.O.): “Sunday, twenty-second of March, 2009. Mother’s Day." – Good job of expressing Christina’s anguish through imagery in the previous scenes. And showing us it’s Mother’s Day makes the scene all the more powerful – we can really feel her pain.
Page 10: “A stern Sister Francesca... illuminates her stern face.” – Avoid redundant words (stern) in your descriptions – use synonyms.
Page 12: WILL: “Found her today with Vivaldi, no less.” – Tying Clara and Mia together occurs at the perfect moment in the script, however, I would suggest playing this up more so the significance of this bond is fully realized, rather than having Christina immediately interrupt the conversation and dropping the discussion.
Page 14: “Slowly . . . the book closes itself.” – Intriguing image.
Page 19: The bedroom and hospital corridor scenes are confusing. It’s not clear if Mia was contemplating suicide or actually took the pills and we now find her sitting in the hospital after her stomach is pumped or if she was just looking at the pills and it is Christina who is in crisis. Some clarification is needed.
Page 20: HOTEL BEDROOM – We need to know Christina and Mia are no longer in London and are now in Venice, so it should be included in the scene heading. In addition, we need to know their motivation for traveling to Venice (On page eight, Mia mentions wanting to go there but not why). Is Christina as passionate about the family tree as Mia and helping her daughter discover her roots, or is this a vacation getaway to escape the pain of Will’s death, or both?
Page 24: “A fat cat gets under Clara’s feet.” - Interlacing the past and present through images like this and the violins is well done and ties the two concurrent stories together.
Page 35: “Mia pushes away and strides off.” – You begin to touch on the problems between the mother and daughter. Now would be a good time for them to have an exchange that digs a little deeper into their psyches and exposes some of the pain and emotion they have bottled up.
Page 81: RE: Mia and Christina: “They embrace in a warm hug.” – At some point previous to this their problems need to come to a head and be addressed. Once they have cleared the air, a warm hug would be a natural conclusion to the tension between them.
This was a very engaging SP and held my interest from beginning ‘til end. Great job, Jacqueline!
Review of: An Angel Found (Rev)
reviewed by RJWIII on 01/10/2010
Other Reviews by RJWIII 103
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