You said you wanted advice on where to go with the story and plot issues so, using my imagination here is what I offer up to you in that aspect.
First I want to say I enjoy your style and the story is quite captivating straight from the beggining.
Now then, on to my suggestions.
The first stumbling block I had was on page 1 in between the sentences 'Forget that, it doesn't matter.' and the next sentence of ' I advice him to' I had to re-read as it seemed to cut to fast away from what the man was thinking to what he was doing to some one else. it needs some filler in between. for instance when he says it doesn't matter - you could have him say all that matters is...
(All that matters is what I believe, not what you believe of me and right now I am doing my best to follow my own belief system by telling this man in front of me to kiss the pavement...) something like that anyways.
How about the man (the killer, for want of a better word) has flashbacks while he is talking to his victims - flashbacks of his own childhood - the kind of flashbacks that show how this man grew up to be who and what he is today.
Another avenue to explore is how he chooses his victims. Are they actual criminals that got away with their crimes and he is taking the law into his own hands? are they just random people in the wrong place at the wrong time? perhaps they have attributes about them that he is looking for in his army in the afterlife?
Those should be good ideas to help you expand for now (I hope anyways).
The only other issue I had was with the story that the victim told the murderer before he died. that is a pretty gruesome tale to be sharing with a man you are afraid of. If it is/was a true tale then the victim would not have shared that - I believe he would have tried to tell a story of happiness to make his murderer less inclined to kill him and if it was a made up story I just cannot see a man making up that kind of story out of the blue.
please, please let me know when you rewrite this story. I truely want to read it. I enjoy your style and I think it has great promise.
Review of: Tell Me a Story
reviewed by ravensdragonfly on 03/03/2011
Other Reviews by ravensdragonfly 55
A review of Elementalby ravensdragonfly on 03/28/2011I found myself not wanting to stop reading. I kept wanting to know what happens next and that is the hallmark of a very good book. The way you intertwined the elements and stories at the begining of each chapter with what was going on in this mans life was an interesting concept. Admittedly it went over my head at first (I am not the sharpest tool in the shed at times). I am... read
A review of The Sown (rev)by ravensdragonfly on 03/10/2011WoW! This story held my attention from beggining to end! usually I tend to get detracted but not this time. Your writing is captivating and excellent. I love the way you kept building and building letting the situation grow more tense, you have perfect timing for this, well done! your grammar seemed imepecable. I only ran across two spelling errors; On page 5 - you wrote -... read
A review of Relife/Bandana-- rewriteby ravensdragonfly on 03/09/2011What a wonderful little story! Your writing is getting better with each story you write and I am truely enjoying reading each one and watching how you progress. I loved how you paralleled the bandana in each characters life - it gives the reader a warm and fuzzy feeling. the only adivce I can offer: 1) You wrote - “What is that for?” The boy asked, fascinated by his youthful... read