The story started out well. I think it was well written in addition, the thoughts of the main character was decribed immensely. I really like the line, 'something changed in him that day.' This gives the reader a sense of what to expect.
However a few things weren't quite as clear as I would've liked. A few descriptions could've been done with more detail. One example was the line, 'An ambient noise faded in from the distance.' The reader has no clue if this ambient noise was a flying insect, a airplane, or a vehicle. The same was clear with his vehicle. Some kind of description of his vehicle would make it clear as the type of camper he sits in. The reader can get confused with a camper van then later Phil 'places the baby in her lounger.' In addition the writer later writes, 'He made his way back to the sofa.' It now appears that Phil is in a space much larger than a camper.
There was a lot of past tense however this seem to work well. I'm not sure if past tense writing is adequate story form but it opens up more clearly later.
The murder scene was written well however when it is all done, it is a little too violent, sad, and sorry to say but tasteless. The murderous rage and indecency of necrophilia in the same story is a little too much for many readers. I think the readers want to come out of the story with a sense that Phil is a decent guy. However if he kills and perform the discusting act of necrophilia on a corpse, the reader turns away in disgust.
Review of: Necro Phil (rev)
reviewed by dandirtyfool on 09/24/2011
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