Review of: The Sound of the Night 

reviewed by dgburton on 02/27/2011
Credited Review
dgburton
Next Stop Chicago Credited Review
I really enjoyed this story. There was a freshness in your writing that I don't see that often, at least not since the days of hard bop, heroin and the death of the Californian dream. It reminds me a bit of the Beats, but with a more sympathetic and less compulsive voice.

Your dialogue was electric. Whole personalities were revealed in their choice of words, and I could feel the temperature of the night rise and picture the pair of girls fully even though they were only briefly described. So your economy with words is great.

The only problem I have is with Toledo's introduction to Mookie. It seemed to arise out of nowhere. I understand Mookie is imbued with a particular charisma, but he seems almost like a mystical figure drawing Toledo towards him. Toledo offering his saxophone to him with barely a word spoken seemed a little unearned. I'd go back and make that initial meeting a little more coherent. Maybe they make a bar bet, Toledo loses, and so he has to hand over the sax to Mookie, thus sealing his fate. Just an idea.

Anyway, I also liked the ending. I was interested in following Toledo further on his great adventure and hope that this might just be a small piece of a bigger story.

Nice job, and best of luck with it.

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