Review of: Bus Stop 

reviewed by mijorico on 09/20/2007
Credited Review
mijorico
Next Stop...Top Ten Credited Review
I liked this story. It's a bit dialogue-heavy, but most of the dialogue works very well. I fear that this may be a bit too subtle for some of your reviewers, but I think that's their problem, not yours. You don't want to beat the reader over the head with your points, which is what I think would happen if you were any less subtle.

I felt that you made the right choice in the perspective of this story. If we had seen this through the woman's eyes, we would've known too much too soon. And if we had seen it through the boy's eyes, we probably wouldn't have known enough about the woman to fill in her backstory. So the third party observer was the right way to go.

You also do a good job of fleshing out these two characters. The kid seemed like Macauley Culkin straight out of Uncle Buck (which is a good thing, in my eyes). And his innocence juxtaposed against her irritability made for a nice balance.

I wish I could offer some more insight that would help make this better, but I think it's pretty good as is.

Minor Notes

Do kids nowadays know who Pee Wee Herman is?
P.6 - "and presumably became nibbling at her fingernails" Should "became" be began?

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