Other Reviews by rmacias 16

• 
  Interesting gizmo, need more drama
  A review of 210 Maple Street
  by rmacias on 06/19/2003
  This feels like it could work as a 30-minute TV show but not as a feature film. The basic story isn't bad, but the pacing is just so slow. Early on, we know there's some sort of sci-fi weirdness going on, yet it doesn't have a huge impact on Vic's life -- it's just another case. Smith's ability to control Moeller should lead to many more twists and turns that complicate both... This feels like it could work as a 30-minute TV show but not as a feature film. The basic story isn't bad, but the pacing is just so slow. Early on, we know there's some sort of sci-fi weirdness going on, yet it doesn't have a huge impact on Vic's life -- it's just another case. Smith's ability to control Moeller should lead to many more twists and turns that complicate both his real and imagined lives. And much of the dialogue is stiff and not believable. On p. 13, in response to Moeller's headache, Smith says, "Probably migraine. Stress. You should retire." It's stiff and nonsensical to boot. Someone has a headache, therefore he should retire? If you're building the whole story around this mind-control technology, the gizmo should play a larger role in the story. For example, maybe Durst steals the machine and uses it to help Moeller solve cases for a while, and then Smith catches up with them. You can't hold all the interesting stuff until the very end. You need more drama throughout the story. read
• 
  Story had potential, dialogue needs work
  A review of The Fringe
  by rmacias on 06/13/2003
  The story unfolded at a good pace and kept me interested in the murder mystery. Venus is an interesting character, but she's so moody and temperamental, it's hard to believe that she'd ever settle down enough to go to college. The weakest aspect of the script is the dialogue -- much of it sounds unnatural and forced. Example: When Reynolds says, "Here. It's freezing tonight"... The story unfolded at a good pace and kept me interested in the murder mystery. Venus is an interesting character, but she's so moody and temperamental, it's hard to believe that she'd ever settle down enough to go to college. The weakest aspect of the script is the dialogue -- much of it sounds unnatural and forced. Example: When Reynolds says, "Here. It's freezing tonight" and tosses Venus his jacket. Think about how someone would really talk in that moment. He might just say, "Here," or maybe nothing at all. After we learn that Helen had a hand in killing her son, it's hard to believe that she's maintained the act for so long, especially the tirades against Venus. All in all, the core story has potential, but I would get rid of some of the extraneous characters, make Venus a little more likeable, and put a lot of work into the dialogue. read
• 
  Intense story, will be better after a good proofread
  A review of Dogman
  by rmacias on 06/12/2003
  Phew. Intense. Excellent sense of suspense. Please get someone to proofread this wonderful script, so that other readers aren't distracted by all the misspellings. Sheila is spelled at least three different ways! I would also suggest using a few more complete sentences in the scene descriptions. Sure, fragments keep everything short and snappy, but every now and then, you need... Phew. Intense. Excellent sense of suspense. Please get someone to proofread this wonderful script, so that other readers aren't distracted by all the misspellings. Sheila is spelled at least three different ways! I would also suggest using a few more complete sentences in the scene descriptions. Sure, fragments keep everything short and snappy, but every now and then, you need a verb. Nitpicking aside, the story had my stomach in knots several times. The dog-killing scene with Christopher and Victor is brutal but powerful. The only part of Christopher's story that's unclear is where all this goodness came from. It's one thing to finally get over his son's death and quite another to become Mr. I'm-Gonna-Turn-People's-Lives-Around. Maybe Morgan could become more of a clear inspiration for Christopher's recovery. Wonderful work overall. read