I found this an intersting read, but also had to read parts of over seceral times to make sense of it. I felt that the writer just let words flow in a creative rush to create a first draft and hasn't gotten around to editing.
Page 3, "...she asked Jim and I..." Lim and me.
Page 4, "...I watched Jim slam his head on the hood getting in with satisfaction," Jim's getting in with satisfation?
Page 5 "...Jim and I's cellmate..." Sounds awakward. Why not say, "our cellmate"?
Page 6, How does Paul know so much about Bea's personal life? How does he know the doctor treating her in an Atlanta hospital has "a voice like a television game show host?
Page 7, "unimpounded it"?
Page 8, "...shot like a jolt (of) lightening..."
--of is missing; Lightning is misspelled.
Page 9, From here on I found it pretty confusing. Why'd the valedictorian girl, the only female willing to speak to Jim, call him a "fat face"? Who is Todd. Who is Todd's dad?
This needs some work on sentence structure and for clarity.
Review of: Blowguns and Boy Bands
reviewed by mnjones on 11/08/2010
Other Reviews by mnjones 381
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