my headline sums up what I think about this story. In these types of intertwined relationship movies, I feel the audience needs characters to root for and my guess is that you want us to sympathize with Natalie and hope that Brody and Julie get back together. But Julie cheated. That is an unforgivable flaw in the audiences eyes, unless you give a compelling reason why she cheated. You're saying because Brody had a gambling problem. Okay, but I don't think she had a right to cheat. But, you did go for writing gray, complex characters that are both good and bad so I commend you on that.
There are many, many scenes that have no conflict. There's tons of dialogue where people are just being civil with each other and the plot is not progressing. I think you need more of a plot. Create deadlines for characters or goals for them other than fucking this girl, or that guy. Or just keep it about the relationships, but trim it down. This script is way too long.
Now, the mystery aspect needs improved greatly. There are only a few scenes where a mystery unfolds, and since these scenes are too spread apart, they seem out of place. If you want to write a mystery, make sure each scene reveals more clues. this is hard to do, but if you want to write that genre, it's paramount.
keep writing. you have passion for relationships, you just need to gain more experience with your craft.
Review of: LOVE ME DEAD
reviewed by aaron k on 07/29/2011
Other Reviews by aaron k 16
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A review of Saving Santaby aaron k on 11/12/2010the plot is very commercial and I could see this as a movie. the idea has a built in problem that all good, easyily conceptual movies have. However, I think this script needs rewrites. I understand taht since it's a childrens movie, characters can have names like BIGSHOT, but all the dialogue was too literal. and you wrote it that way to satire how the world could be... read
A review of The Listenerby aaron k on 05/14/2008I'm not sure what you were going for here. You have one camera shot for the whole film so the dialogue is what would make the film stand out. But the old man doesn't say anything interesting. He could have elaborated on why beautiful music makes people cry and that would be something. But there is nothing to this. I'm not gonna say it's bad or good because it's neither... read