Other Reviews by sibryce 80

• 
  A nice little ride
  A review of The Car and Candice
  by sibryce on 11/19/2010
  I'm really not sure what to say, about this one. I have a taste for black comedy, so the sardonic wit you display here appealed to me, of course. It's definitely good to see a story about a slacker chauffeur and a high-class hooker that isn't vulgar or a wannabe porno, and manages to keep you from thinking it could ever be either of those things. You even handled the barking... I'm really not sure what to say, about this one. I have a taste for black comedy, so the sardonic wit you display here appealed to me, of course. It's definitely good to see a story about a slacker chauffeur and a high-class hooker that isn't vulgar or a wannabe porno, and manages to keep you from thinking it could ever be either of those things. You even handled the barking scene in a way that was cute and funny, while other writers could have just made that part sleazy.
  
  I think my only complaint is that some parts could perhaps be a little tighter, but it's not a major problem by any means. You've done another good one. read
• 
  Compelling but really confusing
  A review of Twinkles Rev.1
  by sibryce on 11/17/2010
  You do an excellent job of transporting the reader to 1950s Connecticut, and the characters were both real and interesting. However, transitional writing doesn't seem to be your strong suit -- there were a lot of times when you changed scenes extremely abruptly, and I had no idea what was going on. Possibly the worst example of this, is the bit near the end, where the narrator... You do an excellent job of transporting the reader to 1950s Connecticut, and the characters were both real and interesting. However, transitional writing doesn't seem to be your strong suit -- there were a lot of times when you changed scenes extremely abruptly, and I had no idea what was going on. Possibly the worst example of this, is the bit near the end, where the narrator seems to be getting beaten up by a priest one minute, and then the next he's playing piano in a club, safe and sound (or am I the one missing something?).
  
  You should also remember that each new line of dialogue, starts a new paragraph -- you had paragraphs where multiple people were talking, and that's especially confusing when you don't always mention who is speaking.
  
  So the story itself is very good, but these kind of technical problems make it an incredibly hard read. read
• 
  This is it?
  A review of Koz Baker
  by sibryce on 11/15/2010
  Don't worry, that's ultimately a good headline; it means I'd like to see more of this story. This is definitely a very quirky and darkly funny story. Even to someone like me, who knows little about baseball, it was very easy to understand because what little jargon you use, you break down into universal terms. More importantly, of course, you focus more on the people, who... Don't worry, that's ultimately a good headline; it means I'd like to see more of this story.
  
  This is definitely a very quirky and darkly funny story. Even to someone like me, who knows little about baseball, it was very easy to understand because what little jargon you use, you break down into universal terms. More importantly, of course, you focus more on the people, who are both entertaining and very real.
  
  The only complaints I can make are mostly minor; there are a couple of times when a new character speaks in the middle of a paragraph, which is an easy nit-pick to fix. Also, as I said, the story feels like it just stops, in what would be the end of a movie's first act -- this is when you've explained who the title character is, why he's important, and set up that he might very well fix the baseball team... and you just drop the whole thing.
  
  So whether you expand this story, or just do a sequel, please PLEASE write more about this! read