I'm not sure what to say about the concept of this story. It's a horror story about a guy that's kidnapped from a strip club and, well, it gets gruesome from there.
I didn't see anything to comment on as far as grammar or structure. It could use some more characterization of the main character. This would help the reader get more engaged and care more about him which will increase the horror of what happens. Other than that, it's written well. I just don't like the feeling these stories give me...creepy.
Good luck with it.
Review of: The Dollhouse
reviewed by Suesea on 10/06/2010
Other Reviews by Suesea 171
A review of Caution While Mergingby Suesea on 10/08/2010This screenplay starts a bit slow. It appears as though not much is happening on the first ten-20 pages. The characters are going about their daily routine, however, the writer is carefully laying the foundation for some incredible, jaw dropping, twists and turns. The structure of the screenplay (the format) is good, but I have a feeling that the slow pace of the first 20... read
A review of One of Those Days (Rough Draft)by Suesea on 10/07/2010That was a superficial take on some serious subjects. I have to say I wasn't expecting the ending. At one point, I thought vampires, but it turned out way different. I just read your production notes and see that you have posted a final draft. If it's assigned to me, I'd be glad to review it as well. Since I read this one, I'm going to go ahead and post my notes. Since... read
A review of Play It Where It Laysby Suesea on 10/07/2010You accomplished what you intended. I finished this story with a chuckle and a smile. It's definitely well written and an entertaining piece. The concept works well in this format, but I can also picture it as a screenplay. It seems a perfect beginning to a twisted comedy. There's not much description of the two characters. I thought adding some physical description would... read