Review of: Why We Fight (Post Bin Laden Edition) 

reviewed by BlackGlass on 06/04/2011
Credited Review
BlackGlass
Patriotic Porn. Credited Review
This isnít my kind of movie, but it is well written and flows along nicely. I have no interest in the porn world, but with that said, there are solid characters, great dialogue, funny moments and names.

The formatting, structure and grammar were spot on.

I made some notes as i read:

Various Pages) You jump from dialogue to a scene heading.

P26) Walter and Islaís conversation - very good.

Various Pages) Use hyphens instead of ellipsis to illustrate dialogue being cut off abruptly.

Various Pages) Use ellipsis here:

Jack catches up to him, and whispers...

Walter leans over and whispers...

As they head for the door...

He leans in close and whispers...

Jack kisses her hand, then whispers...

The porn stars disrobe right where they stand, while...

IN THE BALCONY

... Hardwicke peers over the railing.

Hardwicke grabs Jack and Walter, and in a loud whisper...

P35) General Bretton Woodís ottoman remark - classic.

P53) A little typo. You end Jackís dialogue with a comma instead of a period.

P84) If Hardwicke is such a huge fan of Jessicaís, wouldnít he already have the box-set? Maybe substitute the VIDEO STORE for HARDWICKEíS LIVING QUARTERS, with him riffling through his porn collection. Itís just a thought.

Thatís all. Nicely written and funny screenplay. All the best.

Other Reviews by BlackGlass 15

  • A review of Fixed Shadows (r)
    by BlackGlass on 06/14/2011
    Two senators running head to head for the big seat. A loner fixer with a troubled past, and a loathing for politicians, getís called back into the fray to sort it out. I liked this in many ways. The hotel scene when the fix is going down was exciting. Going from one room to the next, to the cam view, to the van, and Mockís black-out... nice action writing. I found your... read
  • A review of Fuzz v2
    by BlackGlass on 06/13/2011
    I am a fan of war movies. Second World War is always a good backdrop for great action and personal loss. I like the idea of the story you are telling. Going from Rodgerís boyhood right through into the war. My only problem is that it takes so long to get there. You have many unnecessary scenes, like the hunting scene, or the long hospital scene, even the opening with Loesser... read
  • A review of London Orbital
    by BlackGlass on 06/05/2011
    Romance isnít my thing. Iím sure other reviewers on this site have already pointed out the formatting errors and large page count, so i wonít bore you with all my observations. But the big blocks of text have to be shortened. The central characters come together so willingly, they come across as desperate. Doreen sat in her booth all night and eat a full box of chocolates?... read
+ more reviews