reviewed by atlhalfjap on 10/04/2004
Credited Review
Pretty good war story Credited Review
I enjoyed this a great deal. It was a very fast read, and I only have a few very minor quibbles with it. The first one is Eileen's name, it reminds me too much of Lousia May Alcott from Little women, its the first thing that jumped into my head. If this is not what you had intended, maybe you could lose the "May"? That would certainly take away the reference. On page 106, the sentence about Eileen's appearance doesn't make sense, "all present"? Huh? Also, there very a couple of clunky descriptions, such as "small town handsome" I'm having a hard time picturing that, as well as "decorated like the midwest." Like I said, those are VERY minor quibbles. All in all, I think this is a great SP.

Other Reviews by atlhalfjap 49

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    by atlhalfjap on 01/27/2012
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  • A review of The New Thirty
    by atlhalfjap on 07/13/2005
    I thought this was well done over all. It was a fast read and I was charmed by Micheal although I wasn't surprised by his actions. Evelyn makes for a sympahteic character but I was a bit put off that she MIGHT have slept with Conrad. Having her sink to Micheal's level didn't seem in line with her character. Your charcters are distinct and the dialogue is snappy. You asked... read
  • by atlhalfjap on 09/08/2004
    Ok, first of all, this reads like a noel, I don't want or need to know that Mark is from Queens, it superfulous. If you feel it's needed sneak it in somehow. How would a camera show that he's from there? Sluglines have NO months in them. You have taken copyrighted lyrics and put them into your SP. Do you have the rights? I bet not. There's too much camera direction... read
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