With his Father having just passed away, a life threatening tumour ready to make his last remaining days miserable and Cindy announcing her departure; Donald has had enough. Tonight, as the storm rages, Donald will have his revenge and Cindy will go for the ride of her life.
Using the impending storm as a metaphor for what was building up inside Donald was creative but on page 8 the lines, “Was it the calm before the storm? The other storm! The idea terrified Donald” were a little too deliberate. Let the readers use their imagination and put it together for themselves.
I really liked the opening hell ride sequence and how you lead into Cindy and Donald’s past. I also like how you pick the action of the opening right back up for the final scene. While reading this I couldn’t help but sympathize with Donald. Granted, his life may have ended, but at least he died on his own terms.
Some minor syntax errors and misused words are littered sporadically throughout but nothing major. All in all it was a good read.