Just finished reading “A Constant Variable” and I thought it was a tight, well written script. The approach I take in doing these reviews is I imagine I am in a position to look at spec scripts and decide whether to green light, or what changes to ask for ECT.
A script that takes on time travel or any other theoretical science has my respect because right off the bat I know it is going to be a difficult write. I was somewhat torn about as to whether the lack of scientific description was a good thing: leave more to the imagination. Or whether it was a cop-out, sidestepping the more difficult task of coming up with something plausible that would have to stand up to at least some scrutiny? By the end I couldn’t decide only to say that I thought it was a bit of both. Jacob doesn’t really have to explain all that much so there isn’t much to poke holes in.
The Tayah character was serviceable but didn’t really shine as someone that Jacob could bounce his theories off of for the audiences benefit. I was expecting some kind of “two heads are better than one” sort of scene to play out, where either Jacob and Tayah or the two Jacob’s combine brainpower to work it out. This might be a bit obvious but it is to my mind more satisfying than Tayah just popping up and saying “oh yea, I knew that six months ago” or what ever it is that he says. His health issues don’t really factor much into the scheme of things so I wonder why bother? The fact that he has his own doppelganger isn’t really sufficiently dealt with I thought.
The sister in the wheelchair and the Darren character didn’t add much and when they did speak it mostly seemed like a good place to trim. There existence is necessary as Jacob and Sarah’s world has to have someone else in it. I don’t the script really dealt logically with Tayah and how he knew about the formula? What were his intentions, and why did he conceal it from Jacob? Overall Tayah is a good second banana character but needs a little fine-tuning.
The script seems to have a preoccupation with couples having sex. They’re either doing it, hearing someone do it, or watching someone through a window doing it?
The previous paragraph aside I thought the best part of the script was the relationship between Jacob and Sarah. It comes across very well throughout. I think Sarah could be given a bit more to do but overall it is good. I liked the way it ended although it seemed a bit careless of Jacob leaving his obit lying around to be found later, but given the rules set up by the story it is as good a plot device as any. On a last note I think you may want to expand Jacob’s role as a teacher. These types of scenes are always satisfying.
I think you have a good script here with a genuine chance of generating some real interest.
Other Reviews by xego 9
A review of Snow or, Slipknot or, A Death Rewrittenby xego on 07/26/2009Hello, Just finished reading your story and wanted to give a few comments on it. I really liked the format, and the idea of events playing out in reverse. The first few news blurbs seemed a bit problematic to me. They just didn’t completely sound authentic. The purpose being to convey as much as possible with as few words as possible, I don’t think they yet meet this standard... read
A review of The Janitorby xego on 07/23/2009Hello, Just finished reading “The janitor” and wanted to comment on it. To me this script seemed to have potential. It is a quick read at 94 pages. Ordinarily I would say that is great, but in this case you may need to add a few scenes. I will go more into what I didn’t think worked and why additional scenes might help, but I wanted to point out what I really liked about the... read
A review of Fred of Wartsvilleby xego on 07/20/2009Hello, I just finished reading “Fred of Wartsville.” This story of course has some of the most archetypal elements there are: the frog and the princess, great feats to prove worthiness, ect. This being considered for children’s literature poses a unique set of opportunities and difficulties. Your story is short (5 pages) that is not a problem for a children’s story however... read