Review of: Jerry Must Die... Again 

reviewed by grey on 04/06/2012
Credited Review
Review of: "Jerry Must Die...Again" Credited Review
I never thought I’d find myself calling a zombie screenplay adorable, but this one sure is. The main characters were all strong and amusing with a nice back and forth between them that was natural given the unnatural situation. Even a minor character like “Grandma” had personality, so, well done.

I had no trouble following who was in who’s body at any given moment, so there are no clarity issues with a story that could potentially have been rife with them.

It has a good comedy structure; the complications keep building through to the end, although I have to admit I was expecting something bigger to happen at the Staples Center, some kind of involved zombie chase scene perhaps. But as it stands, the scene in the parking lot is funny, especially Margarette’s unexpected fighting skills. Something that did not work for me, and this is very minor, was adding a bit of a love interest between Seth and Margarette at the very end. There was no hint of it prior to this and you really don’t need it.

The physical look of the screenplay has some problems with typos, several stray asterisks and characters with dialogue that were not introduced with all caps in the action blocks. On pg. 90 the name “Sally” is used instead of Christine. Avoid the use of helping verbs, for example, use “talks” rather than “is talking”, etc. Using the active voice is standard in screenwriting and it helps you stay in the moment. Writing it this way could have avoided a mistake on pg. 23, in the dialogue George says the scene is done, but the action block following this states that Jerry and Christine have just finished a scene – how can something that isn’t happening be acted or filmed?

All in all, I loved it and wish you success.

Other Reviews by grey 155

  • A review of Cly (version 2)
    by grey on 02/28/2013
    It’s easy to see the influence of movies like “Kill Bill” on this screenplay. Scene after scene of graphic violence is a tough read for me, but I realize there is a market for it so stories with a hefty body count are a staple in the industry. There were a few grammar issues, some involving sentence structure. I had to re-read them to understand what they were saying, for... read
  • by grey on 12/28/2012
    Well, the lads and lasses of TS have done themselves proud. It’s clear all the participants know how to put a solid story together with engaging characters and present it in a concise, clear format. I will confine my comments to the stories themselves keeping in mind the “WOW” theme. Here’s a brief impression on each short S.P. At the end, I’ll list my top three in the “never... read
  • A review of I.M.
    by grey on 09/10/2012
    Sorry it took me so long to get to this review. I’m not a professional reader, so I can only offer my own feelings about the screenplay. I like what the story is trying to say about technology taking over our lives. I found this very relevant and topical. Where I had difficulty was in connecting with the characters. I never had a handle on the person Reed was inside.... read
+ more reviews