I never thought I’d find myself calling a zombie screenplay adorable, but this one sure is. The main characters were all strong and amusing with a nice back and forth between them that was natural given the unnatural situation. Even a minor character like “Grandma” had personality, so, well done.
I had no trouble following who was in who’s body at any given moment, so there are no clarity issues with a story that could potentially have been rife with them.
It has a good comedy structure; the complications keep building through to the end, although I have to admit I was expecting something bigger to happen at the Staples Center, some kind of involved zombie chase scene perhaps. But as it stands, the scene in the parking lot is funny, especially Margarette’s unexpected fighting skills. Something that did not work for me, and this is very minor, was adding a bit of a love interest between Seth and Margarette at the very end. There was no hint of it prior to this and you really don’t need it.
The physical look of the screenplay has some problems with typos, several stray asterisks and characters with dialogue that were not introduced with all caps in the action blocks. On pg. 90 the name “Sally” is used instead of Christine. Avoid the use of helping verbs, for example, use “talks” rather than “is talking”, etc. Using the active voice is standard in screenwriting and it helps you stay in the moment. Writing it this way could have avoided a mistake on pg. 23, in the dialogue George says the scene is done, but the action block following this states that Jerry and Christine have just finished a scene – how can something that isn’t happening be acted or filmed?
All in all, I loved it and wish you success.
Review of: Jerry Must Die... Again
reviewed by grey on 04/06/2012
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