Other Reviews by mbankins 47

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  Terminal Trust
  A review of Terminal Trust
  by mbankins on 09/30/2010
  This was not an easy script to get through, for many reasons. There is very little momentum from page to page. The descriptions are mostly fine and the grammar and spelling are, with some minor exceptions, very clean. But many of the scenes, especially ones involving politicians and businessmen explaining their shenanigans, fall flat. I know the audience needs some sort... This was not an easy script to get through, for many reasons.
  
  There is very little momentum from page to page. The descriptions are mostly fine and the grammar and spelling are, with some minor exceptions, very clean. But many of the scenes, especially ones involving politicians and businessmen explaining their shenanigans, fall flat. I know the audience needs some sort of information about what they're trying to pull off, but talk of credit markets, and price controls interfering with natural market forces, and how one character's trust is doing on the foreclosure sales, etc etc really made me lose my patience.
  
  There's also a very strong point of view here regarding what should be done about fixing America's ills. All stuff that I agree with -- but many times the script descends into manifesto territory, especially toward the end, when Tyler lists the things he wants fixed. It's fine to have a strong point of view, but here it feels like a hammer on the head.
  
  I also had a hard time rooting for your main character. I don't necessarily need to like her, but I do need to care about her succeeding. I have to say, when you introduced her on page one, I thought she was going to be the shallow tarty girlfriend of Clayton, and would soon get knocked off. In subsequent scenes, you don't shy away from describing how great she looks in exercise gear and in a tank top with no bra, with sweat beading on her chest. I appreciate that she uses some feminine wiles to manipulate the bad guys, but in these scenes she seems more like a piece of eye candy than a real character with a serious problem. It's more like she relies on her magnificent, heaving boobs than her brains, and it's more to titillate me than to keep me engaged with her as a person.
  
  Also, it seems that she doesn't experience much resistance to get to her end goal. She gets the samples she wants without much trouble. It's only when she unintentionally infects Tyler that she suffers a major reversal -- but then it's solved right away by the simple suggestion of a little girl, despite the fact that she's pretty much the smartest microbiologist in the country.
  
  I'm all for having a main character who is a sexy and athletic and brainy assassin who speaks in sexual double entendres...but then I also expect a fantastical spy thriller with killer action, or a sly action comedy like Buckaroo Banzai. But here, mired in a bunch of rants about what's wrong with the American financial system, this character just felt out of place.
  
  I'm sorry if all this sounds harsh. This is just one of those scripts that didn't do it for me. I do wish you luck with it. read
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  Fishbowl
  A review of Fishbowl (Revision)
  by mbankins on 12/07/2006
  This is one of those assignments that I struggle to write a review for, not because the script is bad, but because it's good...and also because at the same time it didn't do a whole lot for me. That doesn't at all take away from the quality of the writing. I think Fishbowl is well-crafted, tight, relatively clean of typos. Good dialog, too. I have to admit, it didn't engage... This is one of those assignments that I struggle to write a review for, not because the script is bad, but because it's good...and also because at the same time it didn't do a whole lot for me.
  
  That doesn't at all take away from the quality of the writing. I think Fishbowl is well-crafted, tight, relatively clean of typos. Good dialog, too.
  
  I have to admit, it didn't engage me right away. I backtracked a few times to understand where I was and who was who, and what they were doing.
  
  I did like Ethan as a character. Tortured but not pathetic about it. The revelation that he and Mike are brothers was probably foreshadowed a bit too much.
  
  I don't know if I missed something...but the gunshot at the end, after we fade to black...there's no explanation as to what Ethan shot at. I don't know if it's all that important to know if he shot in the air...but if that's what he did so he could avoid shooting Bill, then why bother? The gunshot did a nice job of setting us up for Ethan's VO of him being in prison, only to find out that it's Bill...but it seemed more like a gimmick to get me to think "oh shit" than a nice twist.
  
  Other than that, I thought the ending was pretty satisfying.
  
  Overall, nice job. I'm sorry it didn't grab me, but I can completely see why it would work for others...many others, in fact. Good luck with it. read
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  Road Kill
  A review of Road Kill
  by mbankins on 12/07/2006
  I admire this script very much, perhaps for reasons that will make it a nearly impossible sell. In fact, I'm not sure I could handle watching it all the way through. I've seen, and can continue to see, countless humans getting killed in disturbing ways, because it's just the movies, after all... But show me (or even make me listen to) an animal getting killed, and I'll need... I admire this script very much, perhaps for reasons that will make it a nearly impossible sell. In fact, I'm not sure I could handle watching it all the way through.
  
  I've seen, and can continue to see, countless humans getting killed in disturbing ways, because it's just the movies, after all...
  
  But show me (or even make me listen to) an animal getting killed, and I'll need a damn good reason to stick with you and your protag...the fact that it's just a movie, be damned.
  
  Which brings me to the first of many things I liked about this script. I don't know if this was your purpose, but when Martin turned to killing humans, I found myself comparing my sensitivities between those of his animal victims and his human ones. The human deaths were tragic for sure, but meant little to me. Seen it a million times. But the animal deaths were quite painful. The dalmatian, especially -- a sly choice given the breed's beloved, cuddly, Disneyfied image.
  
  So bravo on messing me up and making me think about why. It's rare that a script can do that.
  
  Next, I have to commend you on the use of the vulture. It's a brilliant device -- scary, disturbing, foreboding, and it also serves to make Martin's transformation believable. So simple. You could watch this with the sound off and get it. I admire that.
  
  On the technical side, the script was very clean, very readable. A real page-turner, however reluctant I was to sometimes keep reading.
  
  Now onto the gripes.
  
  The introduction of the police characters comes way too late, given how much screen time you ultimately give them. You even give them a lot of "character banter", some of which is probably too long. Their late introduction was distracting because until then, I was quite invested in Martin and his arc, only to be yanked out of it to spend time with a hole new set of characters. The new characters were sufficiently interesting, but not enough to keep the momentum of the story going. Most of their time was dedicated to police procedure stuff or light banter. They never felt like full characters to me.
  
  I can't avoid a comparison to Fargo. Yes, Marge was introduced very late in the story, but she was fleshed out so well, she became a strong and worthy opposing force to the bad guys. She wasn't there to serve as a device for the bad guys to get caught -- she became the point of the film.
  
  If you keep the police in here, I think you should introduce them much sooner and give them more a personal stake in the story. Make us care what happens to them. Forget but don't ignore what the Coen brothers did. Or something like that.
  
  *SPOILER ALERT*
  
  You're probably getting a lot of heat for the V.O. It didn't bother me that much, but I also think you don't need it. It's a little odd that he can VO considering he's dead, but odd is what this script is, so it doesn't seem like a gross violation.
  
  And the ending. I'm not sure how I feel about it. He gets his comeuppance... but... I don't know, this could just be my own sick preference, but I always like it when the nutcase lives.
  
  Sorry for no typo notes on this one. My previous review got lost when I tried to re-awaken my laptop. I know you had some instances of "your" that should have been "you're".
  
  Thanks for a terrific read. Good luck with this... read