Other Reviews by bigheadx 256

• 
  Love my dog, love me?
  A review of Unconditional
  by bigheadx on 03/12/2012
  This is a cute, extremely brief story with a twist that is a slight surprise. As a writing exercise, this reader admires your effort. But at the basic story level, what is so unusual about an older, unattractive man having a young, much admired dog? The repetition of reactions from strangers seem merely in place so as to "pay off" and exaggerate the twist. Even an adolescent... This is a cute, extremely brief story with a twist that is a slight surprise. As a writing exercise, this reader admires your effort. But at the basic story level, what is so unusual about an older, unattractive man having a young, much admired dog? The repetition of reactions from strangers seem merely in place so as to "pay off" and exaggerate the twist. Even an adolescent reader might feel manipulated.
  That said, in this reader's opinion, the writing is clean, colorful, and devoid of mistakes (but, why so many semi-colons? many are inappropriate and/or unnecessary).
  Nice job!
  read
• 
  Watch your back
  A review of Fantasies
  by bigheadx on 01/16/2012
  Thanks for the opportunity to read this brief and interesting short story. The writing is terse but colorful, like a light show of words as you set the reader up for the funny/shocking twist at the end of what is a fairly "stock" concept. Congratulations on a nicely executed adult fantasy tale. This reader has offered some suggestions/corrections below. ================================... Thanks for the opportunity to read this brief and interesting short story. The writing is terse but colorful, like a light show of words as you set the reader up for the funny/shocking twist at the end of what is a fairly "stock" concept. Congratulations on a nicely executed adult fantasy tale.
  This reader has offered some suggestions/corrections below.
  
  ================================
  I catch only fragments of my friend’s conversation - no new paragraph here
  
  but I watch her mouth move - but I watch her lips move
  
  They are rapt in one another. - awkward; know what you intend, but unclear
  
  Sure you ok? - Sure you're ok?
  
  The reply isn’t instant, but at least she smiles. She says, “do I know you?” - The reply isn’t instant, but at least she smiles. She says, “Do I know you?”
  
  She lets me down gently, "not tonight, Andy. Not tonight." - She lets me down gently, "Not tonight, Andy. Not tonight."
  
  The ape re-enters the bar knuckles scraping the floor - The ape re-enters the bar, knuckles scraping the floor
  
  The bounce at her chest denies any suggestion of a bra. - The bounce of her chest denies any suggestion of a bra.
  
  “Did I do good?” Says the auburn haired desire. - “Did I do good?” says the auburn haired desire. [your spell-checker is your enemy here, I think]
  
  “I want to fuck,” it’s the only thing I can say. - “I want to fuck,” is the only thing I can say. read
• 
  Watch your back
  A review of Subsistence
  by bigheadx on 01/16/2012
  Thanks for the opportunity to read this brief and interesting short story. The writing is terse but colorful, like a light show of words as you set the reader up for the funny/shocking twist at the end of what is a fairly "stock" concept. Congratulations on a nicely executed adult fantasy tale. This reader has offered some suggestions/corrections below. ================================... Thanks for the opportunity to read this brief and interesting short story. The writing is terse but colorful, like a light show of words as you set the reader up for the funny/shocking twist at the end of what is a fairly "stock" concept. Congratulations on a nicely executed adult fantasy tale.
  This reader has offered some suggestions/corrections below.
  
  ================================
  I catch only fragments of my friend’s conversation - no new paragraph here
  
  but I watch her mouth move - but I watch her lips move
  
  They are rapt in one another. - awkward; know what you intend, but unclear
  
  Sure you ok? - Sure you're ok?
  
  The reply isn’t instant, but at least she smiles. She says, “do I know you?” - The reply isn’t instant, but at least she smiles. She says, “Do I know you?”
  
  She lets me down gently, "not tonight, Andy. Not tonight." - She lets me down gently, "Not tonight, Andy. Not tonight."
  
  The ape re-enters the bar knuckles scraping the floor - The ape re-enters the bar, knuckles scraping the floor
  
  The bounce at her chest denies any suggestion of a bra. - The bounce of her chest denies any suggestion of a bra.
  
  “Did I do good?” Says the auburn haired desire. - “Did I do good?” says the auburn haired desire. [your spell-checker is your enemy here, I think]
  
  “I want to fuck,” it’s the only thing I can say. - “I want to fuck,” is the only thing I can say.
  
  
  read