Thank you for the opportunity to read this brief short story. Except in some cases (specifics below), the writing is competent and descriptive but, in this reader's opinion, ~525 words are not enough to fully convey the nature of the character's world, the character himself, or the reasons for his predicament. Still, it is an imaginative tale if only because it has taken the contemporary social malady of "debt slavery" and projected into a future world of asteroid mining.
TYPOS - GRAMMAR - WORD CHOICE - [suggestions]
His arms hang at his sides, limply, barely defending the barrage of oncoming blows - [if his arms hang limply at his sides, then how can they deflect blows?]
The line that when you finally cross over, which eventually - The line that, when you finally cross over, which eventually...
There will be no burial, no memorial, no anything - [new paragraph]
So you work, and you incur debt - [same]
There's money in fighting, - [same]
those lucky winner's names - those lucky winners' names
He might just be ok. - He might just be okay.
Review of: Belted
reviewed by bigheadx on 06/22/2011
Other Reviews by bigheadx 256
A review of Unconditionalby bigheadx on 03/12/2012This is a cute, extremely brief story with a twist that is a slight surprise. As a writing exercise, this reader admires your effort. But at the basic story level, what is so unusual about an older, unattractive man having a young, much admired dog? The repetition of reactions from strangers seem merely in place so as to "pay off" and exaggerate the twist. Even an adolescent... read
A review of Fantasiesby bigheadx on 01/16/2012Thanks for the opportunity to read this brief and interesting short story. The writing is terse but colorful, like a light show of words as you set the reader up for the funny/shocking twist at the end of what is a fairly "stock" concept. Congratulations on a nicely executed adult fantasy tale. This reader has offered some suggestions/corrections below. ================================... read
A review of The Hard Choiceby bigheadx on 01/13/2012"Meandering" came to this reader's mind as he read this interesting but occasionally confusing story. In vignettes, we learn about this young man's past and present - family, girlfriends, boyfriends. Unfortunately, considering its length, we come away knowing very little because the story drifts, much like its main character drifts from scene to scene, memory to memory. If... read