For a first draft, I was impressed with “Sadie.” There are some problems with it though. The dialogue is a bit silted and the ending was unrealistic for the gravity of the story. A woman felt wrong by life, in particular, abuse from a co-worker.
The formatting and concept is fine. You’re missing a missing a cover page. And I would definitely not scan my documents in the future with the hand written words on them and post it on Trigger Street to be reviewed. No question, it’s a mark of a novice. However, I do believe you have a good short story that at times made the hair on the back of my neck curl. All the best!
Review of: Sadie - First Draft
reviewed by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 01/30/2012
Other Reviews by **DELETED ACCOUNT** 3429
A review of Totally To The Maxby **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 07/25/2014After FADE IN: what does "SUBURBS, NORTHEAST USA, MID 80s, END OF SUMMER" mean? If the writer intends on that text being seen on the screen then it needs to be preceded with SUPER: "SUBURBS, NORTHEAST... Page 1. There is an extra space between Mamie's dialogue and the parenthetical (to Allison). Putting this reader on guard for more problems. An experienced reader is jarred... read
A review of 206 rev 3by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 05/31/2014Shortly into the story, I recognized that ‘206’ is about H.H. HOLMS, a prolific serial killer. He lived in Chicago in the late nineteenth century; killed many—in every imaginable way. I’ve seen a couple of documentaries on this evil beast and I also remember that he hit his stride during the ‘World’s Fair’. I liked your opening with Holms as a young boy in New Hampshire;... read
A review of THE MAFIA TYPEby **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 05/30/2014It is always a challenge for me to deal with anything that has that "mafia" thing label on it. Hence, I was relieved and pleasantly surprised that the film has not much to do with either violence or mafia proper, but is a rather light short comedy. One of the merits of the work is its flow, something not all that common in shorts, in low budget ones in particular - I appreciated... read