I feel like this story just sped by me, zinging through the plot under the smooth roar of an even smoother technique... as if a capable writer were at the helm. Here's your Ben. Stay cool, and great job.
There is an arsenal of great tools you use to tell a story. Quality voice is in no short supply with Flight 18. Some of the lines used to express the messages inside your prose are so unexpected, yet so creatively inspired, I had to read them over twice --- not because they slowed the story or broke the pace, but because I simply wanted to. I would start pointing them out (beginning with the connection made between Fate --- with a capital F no less --- and Oswald) but if I started doing that I wouldn't be able to stop. And, besides, I get the feeling you know where they're at and why thery're there.
And then there's the technical aspect which is so spot on it's like reading a clinic on proper sentence formulation, especially in relation to thought and idea. You obviously know all the rules and, from time to time, to illustrate your sheer prowess, you knew when to break 'em. Man, nice job.
That being said I did notice one thing and wonder if it's a creative choice. In two instances the word Al Jr. was followed by a comma when, I don't think, a comma was necessary. I'm not a comma guy, though, so a rule might be escaping me. Details...
But what astounded me most was your sheer knowledge of the topic being written about. I would ask whether or not you rented a limo and then drove the course all the way to LAX before you wrote the story, but I already know the answer. Of course you did. In fact it makes me want to ask you another question, this one so random that it never would have occured to me to ask it if I hadn't been so captivated by the scene I was reading, but:
Was the 'Sizzler on Manchester' the same one they celebrated over in the line "We goin' to Sizzler" in the movie White Men Can't Jump? I'd love to know, if you do.
Anyway, fun ride in every sense. Great job. You keep writing, I'll keep reading.
Review of: Flight 18
reviewed by nick74 on 03/12/2011
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