Review of: The Humane Facade 

reviewed by Evan Neill on 06/29/2011
Credited Review
Evan Neill
Script Review: The Humane Facade Credited Review
Thank you for allowing me to read your script. It has a strong point of view, and characters that I could relate to for the most part. A few didnít fall right into place for me, but it wasnít enough to distract.

The first thing that needs to be addressed is how you are ďdirectingĒ in the script. You are telling us the camera movements. You are stopping to say that things are subtitled. I understand the mentality behind this, but the reality is that your job is to write out the story, build up the characters, and have natural dialogue. Film is a collaborative art. There will be actors, cinematographers, and most certainly a director. Having worked with some directors in the past, I will tell you that they will not continue reading a script if they feel that the writer is trying to direct the story.

I am a little confused about your portrayal of the Monks. They are acting like little children. I donít know how realistic this is, but it seems to throw the tone off a bit. They are a joy to read about, no doubt, but I wonder if it isnít a bit much? I see how you are setting up the contrast between Shen and Samantha, but I think it might be better to pull it back just a touch.

Samantha is hard to deal with. I understand your need to have her hit so high and so low, but sheís not likable to any degree. I do understand that itís hard to write a character like this, and somehow make them likable, but something to consider, you audience is going to spend time with these characters. There needs to be something that makes us want to follow these characters.

Now, my biggest problem with this script is a question that might make you reconsider the direction of the whole thing. Did it need to be monks? I know that you are going for an understanding that all people are similar, and that we can be healed and heal even though we are different.

Instead of Shen going through this parallel journey with Samantha, I would have liked to see Jason be the one who reaches out to her in a way that makes him humble himself. You may want to ask yourself what this could become if it was just about the family trying to heal itself.

One of the biggest issues with the script, and something I mentioned earlier is your style of writing. You are forcing us all over the place, rather than letting us discover the story. Iíd recommend reading a lot of polished scripts that have been made into films. You will see the difference. Stay away from shooting scripts, because they will have notes and camera motions like you have in yours. As a spec script it is distracting and pulls you out of the story.

Overall it was an entertaining read. It gets dark, but that is used to contrast the hope. Nice job

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