A very well written satirical piece. I mostly care nothing about sports, but this is a piece more about people and superficiality of modern society, rather than about sports. It is rather short and aside from being a work of satire, to bring the ironical smile, is kind of lacking in content in terms of story depth. This is not a negative critique, as I do not know how long a piece (word count) you were trying to achieve. The story is simple and fast, but this is not bad.
It is extremely well worded and a pleasure to read. I enjoyed it, and that is all that really matters in the end, I suppose. I think others would enjoy it to. I found no errors in my once over Ė and judging from your bio you are a pro, so I am not surprised it is as cleanly written as it is.
Donít really have any suggestions to give you on how to improve this. Style and wording are about perfect. For the length of the story, I would say you have done as good a job as anyone could hope to do.
Thanks for the enjoyable read. All the best.
Review of: Koz Baker
reviewed by Cenydd Ros on 11/17/2010
Other Reviews by Cenydd Ros 141
A review of The Currentby Cenydd Ros on 07/17/2011Some of this is nicely wriiten, making use of some flavorful prose. Mostly, I liked the language/writing craft of the action lines. e.g. encapsulating Tendrils of smoke waft toes webbed with soap bubbles a squalid living room "Getting your hole" - Didn't get this line. To be frank, I feel that flashbacks generally suck. I just don't think it is a good approach to story telling... read
A review of BATTLESAURSby Cenydd Ros on 07/06/2011- Having worked both academically and professional as an archaeologist, I can tell you I was biting into my tongue on page 1. I would suggest having a paleontologist on the team in the opening segment. - I am not sure which would be the most amazing discovery, that there were humans one million years ago or that there were still dinosaurs one million years ago. :) - This is... read
A review of EARTHSHAKERSby Cenydd Ros on 06/23/2011This being the third script of yours I have read, I must note that you have one hell of an imagination - and you create some very interesting (i.e. entertaining) visuals and elements in your work. There is much in the way of "eyepopping" candy in your stories that would make them something to see on the big screen. Overall, you have a good sense of creating images for the screen... read