Smells like Gunsmoke
This was pretty damned funny to me. Your sense of humor stood out. And, somehow, you injected a cute little love story. A cute spin on what should be made into a movie, or a television series. The characters are there. Now, I could have done without all the religion, with Solomon and all, but maybe because you know the Bible so well, you threw it in. There were definitely some lines that I thought were cool as hell: Travis "There's the law and then there's justice". Eliz: "Vengance won't give you peace. It's a slow poison that will kill you sure as any bullet". Mathias: "God likes me better than you". Jefferson: "Besides, a sense of humor is important. Without it, I'd end up like you." : "Your pursuit of such a creature is a fool's errand."
Now, I really didn't need "...a maelstrom of papers". I would have settled for "...a pile of papers." Don't use fancy words in setting up a scene, especially in a western. It doesn't fit the scene, if you know what I mean. Other than that, I enjoyed it and good luck on pitching it.
Other Reviews by culinarygrad@gmail.com
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I think your spin on at a night in a museum was much more fun than the movies that subsequently went out. I mean really. What's a night at the museum without the three stooges? Of course you had the open-mindedness to include none other than that of William Shatner. He is the quintessential vodka in the grapefruit for any sci-fi/museum movie. Bring on the flying saucers and...
I think your spin on at a night in a museum was much more fun than the movies that subsequently went out. I mean really. What's a night at the museum without the three stooges? Of course you had the open-mindedness to include none other than that of William Shatner. He is the quintessential vodka in the grapefruit for any sci-fi/museum movie. Bring on the flying saucers and the Space Victims. Maybe Jerry Springer was a stretch, but he's as surreal as any alien out there. Jude, Dog, and the Hulk were perfect hollywood outlaws on Ventura Blvd. Maybe they could have hidden out in topanga. Did Gable really have false teeth? Keep that a secret. Eddy and Jack were perfect in their character. They kept it real amidst the unreal. The "Stone" was pivitol, and gave validity to the possible truth of it all. And who the hell didn't love Marylin Monroe. Eddy did for sure. Nice script. "Here's lookin' at you, kid."
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First, I liked your use of the word "twixt".
Imaginative, a trip, a journey . . . imaginative.
I didn't mind the length at all. I enjoy reading and going to the places the author invites me to visit . . . journey.
Mind expanding.
Mmmmmmmmmm .. . . .
Thought provoking in a delicious sort of way . . . not forced . . . I wanted to take the trip . . . adventure out.
I...
First, I liked your use of the word "twixt".
Imaginative, a trip, a journey . . . imaginative.
I didn't mind the length at all. I enjoy reading and going to the places the author invites me to visit . . . journey.
Mind expanding.
Mmmmmmmmmm .. . . .
Thought provoking in a delicious sort of way . . . not forced . . . I wanted to take the trip . . . adventure out.
I love space and its quiet sparkling omniprecense . . . every "night" . . .
Hope, dreams, wonder, escape, dark, unsure, unknown, magnetic, mysterious, quiet
Science, god, time travel, towers, denial, faith, belief, energy, souls, mystery . . .
Universal questions . . . maybe we aren't made to learn the answer(s) but are made to ask the questions and yearn . . .
Thanks.
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I loves the "geo" history of the lay of the land. I also enjoyed the bit of history about Florida and how the state got its name.
I know some "splunkers" so I was very interested in seeing how "cave diving" differed.
You created a great sense of the dangers and risks, as well as, the consequences for those who ignorantly forge ahead.
I thing the 1/3 1/3 1/3 philosophy...
I loves the "geo" history of the lay of the land. I also enjoyed the bit of history about Florida and how the state got its name.
I know some "splunkers" so I was very interested in seeing how "cave diving" differed.
You created a great sense of the dangers and risks, as well as, the consequences for those who ignorantly forge ahead.
I thing the 1/3 1/3 1/3 philosophy can probably be applied to many things in life . . . we often use 1/2 and 1/2 at best and there is nothing left in reserves for an emergency. You gave me that thought to ponder.
Your comments about the "waste" being dumped were heard loud and clear. I think decades and decades ago there were far fewer people in this world . . . and now there are sooooooooooooooo many which means more consumption, more waste, and more careless "dumping" by industry, as well as, individuals . . .
When there were only 500 people in an area . . . if someone just left their fence materials or dumped them near the water or in the water . . . only one person did that and the earth might have been able to handle that amount of "waste" without too much trouble . . . but now there are just millions of us consuming and disposing of our waste, and it is a real concern. . . .even lawful waste is a difficult problem to tackle . . .
Your character gets caught in the waste . . . and goes down, bleeding . . . to the depths of the cave. I assume he died but hope he didn't . . . would you consider a different ending . . . more clear . . . or did you want to "leave us hanging . . . "
Very nicely written. I liked your story. It made me think of many things, as I've mentioned in this review.
Good luck!
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