Firsty, I would like to begin by applauding your talent as a writer. Your choice of words and descriptions are vivid and fresh.
I found the writing style amazing but I'm not sure if it was appropriate for this genre. Carrie, a rebellious teenager says
"I apologize" to Sonny on page 34. Why wouldn't she just say; "sorry". Its far less formal and for her age group,
it sound far more comfortable. This comes up throughout the screenplay in other characters. The dialogue just feels far too
rigid and formal and I'd even go as far as saying maniloquent.
The story is good and enjoyable. At first I thought Sonny's evil wasn't credible because all the characters were on thr brink
of suicide from the beginning and it wouldn't take much to push them over.
I was very confused with Sonny. His dialogue was cool and well thought out, even mature but his actions were childish. Both ate valid
for a crazy man but together, it just seemsa inconsistent.
I was not very comforrtable with the religious debate between Judith and Sonny but thabkfully it was short. My discomfort wasn't
about my religious convictions but rather because that debate has been exhausted and no one ever changes their mind afterwards so
it just feel like its pointless.
I also was not sure where Prissy found the gun and/or how she brought it into a mental institution which must surely be more secure than
that but maybe I missed it.
Overall, I enjoyed but I would suggest that maybe you consider novels or maybe different genres because you are obviously smart and it just
seems to be not your style and you were forcing it.
Anyway, goodluck and all the best!
Review of: Devil's Due (REV)
reviewed by uLindokuhle on 08/11/2011
Other Reviews by uLindokuhle 6
A review of Fixed Shadows (r)by uLindokuhle on 08/30/2011Okay, first things first, well done of writing your screenplay. Now to business, I didn't care at all for your characters. With so many dying, it became very important to be invested in the characters. I think that this was because they were so inconsitent. Granted, they spent most of the screenplay pretensing to be someone but it just didn't work for me. Secondly, I found... read
A review of Hungerby uLindokuhle on 08/27/2011I really enjoyed the screenplay! Every page, I was excited for more. The narative was exactly brand new but that is the case with most of them. I'm not sure if this is a compliment or an insult but I found myself laughing and entertained more by your descriptions than anything else! The tome was excellent. I really felt comfortable with the story, again, being a thriller... read
A review of Lack of Directionby uLindokuhle on 08/14/2011You are a very capable writer. I liked your dailogue and your style. There were some structural problems but here is my biggest issue; you didn't have a story. I felt like you had an idea but you just didn't have a story. Think about good movies, if you breakdown the plot, you discover that there is a songle concept, idea or event that sets the action in motion. Everything... read