This is a funny concept with great dialog. You really capture the way bratty kids talk.
It was a fun script. My suggestions are:
-Raise the stakes in the first half.
-I have trouble suspending disbelief over the way he got the routes. Perhaps he could earn them more organically? I can't imagine Sully would reward him for ruining his life, or that he wouldn't get in trouble for destroying a house.
-Karen's pep talk is great. She uses that bratty kid diction.
I like how you made parallels to Scorsese or DePalma movies about the rise of drug kingpins or mafia types - with the candy as a substitute for drugs.
Overall, good job!
Review of: The Last Paperboys
reviewed by Michael Keller on 03/11/2011
Other Reviews by Michael Keller 269
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