Judging the book by its cover: I prefer the title "Infiniplex". FWIW. The 2-word title, with an -ing word as the first word, like Breaking Away, Finding Forrester, Stealing Home, seems a tired old formula, to me. And there's something kinda touchy-feely and chick-y about it. Whereas Infiniplex feels more ghost-y in the machine-y. If that's what you're going for.
I totally dig the shaman's cave - and the surprise of the watchdogs when we arrive there during act two.
As you know, I am a fan and a student of your action lines. "princess raised by hippies" is awesome.
12 - There are a few places where you DO NOT describe images appear on the pop-up ads - I would like some sense of what's there, even if it's only very vague and general. This is the first such place, and, I think, the only one I made a note of - but there's at least one or two others.
13 - this stuff with the chalk footprints is so cool.
19 - I enjoyed this little run of rhyming dialogue.
I really like the recurring images, i.e. the "in the can" image, and the "gloved fist smashing glass" image.
30 - "Their attention is drawn to a monitor that shows Dexter and Frisbane." This bugs me. I understand this has become common English usage, but the fact is, "Their" is a plural pronoun. Is the Mystery POV more than one person? I don't think so. It's the Manager, yes?
32 - "With a contempt just short of lethal, the Manager breaks a little skull like it was a candy shell." How is this "just short" of lethal? Seems pretty much in the lethal zone, to me.
36 - LOL
Really, I want you to fight the
urge to speak.
42 - Yay, clowns!!!
Love the business with the Supervisor's severed head. I could see me playing that guy. Or the Projectionist. Or the Asinine Professor. Or someone at Terry's memorial service. Or… whomever you like. I don't care what you call me - just call me.
51 - Homage opportunity:
Instead of your version: "They run, explode through the curtains, and WHAM! Right into the Usher and his cart! Everybody goes down."
Only Theo bursts through the curtains. Film cans topple over.
"I'm all right! I'm aaaalll right!"
Apparently, Alyson is meant to seem sceptical when Will tells her about the weird stuff that's been happening to him. I didn't pick up on that until way later. She seems to pretty much take it in stride. Granted, this would not be a problem if I were watching actors play it - but it slightly derailed the read for me for a bit, just before the midpoint, when I started wondering howcome nobody seems to find any of this stuff to be… weird.
59 - 3 e's in Berkeley
60 - Love me some Shakespeare in a sci fi flick. I could play Ben.
63 - nice!
Will watches a moth bang itself into the porch light.
My head hurts.
67 - "Will drags the attempting-to-eat-his-rabbit Theo, but appears unsure as to which way to go." Excellent compound adjective. I'd be tempted to plop in an adverb before "attempting", just to draw out the magic a little longer. But then, I'm a nut.
Love the Alice in Wonderland stuff.
69 - I think you should put in one more mysterious Bunny chapter heading before we get to this point. Maybe doing some other creepy mandala thing - not casting bones. She wouldn't be scrying guts - she has puppies! So, maybe, dripping oil into water and reading the swirl, or gazing into a pool of something???
76 - LOL
Let’s all go to the lobby.
I eavesdropped on your message confirmation with Thielke, and tried to answer your questions…
here are my questions, below...
the love story... do they get together too soon? is it working? do you like her?
IF YOU MEAN WHEN THEY GO TO BED TOGETHER ON P.23, NO THAT DOESN'T SEEM TOO SOON. OF COURSE, I HAVE THE MORALS OF A HYENA. THE RELATIONSHIP ABSOLUTELY WORKS FOR ME, AND YES I LIKE HER VERY MUCH.
active protag... is will (the protag) active enough? do you see his goal?
I TEND NOT TO THINK IN THESE TERMS UNLESS MY INTEREST FLAGS, AND THEN I TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY. MY INTEREST DOESN'T FLAG IN THIS SCRIPT. IF YOU WERE TO TELL ME HIS GOAL, I EXPECT I COULD SEE IT, BUT IF THIS WERE A TEST, I WOULD SAY HE HAS A SUCCESSION OF GOALS, WHICH CHANGE AS HIS PREDICAMENT CHANGES - IN OTHER WORDS HE'S MORE REACTIVE THAN ACTIVE, UNTIL ABOUT THE MIDPOINT, DURING TERRY'S FUNERAL, WHEN I GET THE SENSE HE REALLY GOES ON THE OFFENSIVE.
would you do what will does to save your brother?
I REFUSE TO ANSWER ON THE GROUNDS THAT IT MAY INCRIMINATE ME. I THINK THE STAKES ARE PLENTY HIGH.
homage... do you see planet of the apes? good fellas? or any movies?
DEFINITELY SAW THOSE TWO. AND OF COURSE THE USE OF THE NAME HITCHCOCK. BUT BECAUSE YOU ASKED THIS QUESTION, YOU HAD ME PARANOID THAT I WAS MISSING HOMAGES IN SEVERAL PLACES. THERE WERE SITUATIONS THAT SEEMED DIMLY FAMILIAR, OR CINEMATICALLY TYPICAL, LIKE FRICK AND FRACK PRYING WILL'S FINGERS LOOSE TO MAKE HIM FALL FROM THE BALCONY, ETC.
my biggest concern is whether people see theo's arc...
I SEE THEO'S ARC, BUT NOT UNTIL THE VERY END. HOPE THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU. IT'S CERTAINLY OKAY WITH ME.
in the third act, will makes a choice... can you see what he is doing and why? (clue: it's not so much to save terry as it is to...?)
UH... I DUNNO. GET OUT OF THE INFINIPLEX? REDEEM HIMSELF FOR HAVING CAUSED TERRY'S DEATH IN THE FIRST PLACE?
Review of: TAPPING IN... (2011)
reviewed by Gary Wright on 04/07/2011
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