Other Reviews by JasonSpencer 15

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  Cosmic Carl Review...
  A review of Cosmic Carl v2
  by JasonSpencer on 06/11/2013
  I want to start off by saying great job! Anybody who can put a screenplay together deserves kudos! I know how hard it is to put so much time and effort into these. So good job on getting it done and I guess this is the rewrite of the first one. Since it appears you've done this before, I will keep to the suggestions I have for you. I would want people to tell me how to... I want to start off by saying great job! Anybody who can put a screenplay together deserves kudos! I know how hard it is to put so much time and effort into these. So good job on getting it done and I guess this is the rewrite of the first one. Since it appears you've done this before, I will keep to the suggestions I have for you. I would want people to tell me how to make my work better so that's what I'm gonna try to do for you. First I would think about what genre I'm writing in. The protagonist is a 10 year old boy, but the story doesn't really read like there is a 10 year old in it. Let me explain a bit further. When I got a few pages in I was thinking oh this could be like an animated movie with a little humor added in. I guess kind of like a Disney, Pixar type movie. But as I read the situations he was put in didn't seem like a 10 year old would be involved in. I think what really hindered this the most would be his dialogue. I feel like he spoke like and adult and reacted like an adult. I'm gonna come back to dialogue in a minute. The other major portion I thought could be reworked is the character of M. I thought M spoke too much like a human and had real human emotions while he was speaking. I think it might be a good idea to change that to more of a "Spok" in Star Trek character. As in he doesn't feel emotion and speaks in kind of a weird apathetic tone if that makes sense. You can actually make M's story arch very satisfying if you have him this way the entire script, and then when he ejects himself, have that be his first real human emotion. Maybe he can talk about how weird it feels to feel an emotion? No back to dialogue. This goes for any character really. What I do, is I read out loud just one character's lines all the way through the script one at a time. This way I can see if they all sound the same, or they have their own way of speaking. I found this exercise very helpful to me and maybe it will be helpful to you too. I feel like the main character should sound more kid like and M should sound more robot, and without emotion. As for the story itself. Once again I would think about the genre. Does it work right now as a serious script with a 10 year old? I think it reads as serious and if you have a 10 year old leading the way a little humor wouldn't hurt. I hope this was helpful and good luck to you! read
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  Santa Cop
  A review of Albino Santa Cop
  by JasonSpencer on 02/14/2011
  This was really well done. I was amazed on how professional the animation looked. At the end I noticed in the notes that this was done with paper cut outs? Really? Wow good job man really! I thought the story worked well too. The Albino Santa thing was out of left field but that added a little something that I liked. Looking forward to seeing more of your work. Thanks!... This was really well done. I was amazed on how professional the animation looked. At the end I noticed in the notes that this was done with paper cut outs? Really? Wow good job man really! I thought the story worked well too. The Albino Santa thing was out of left field but that added a little something that I liked. Looking forward to seeing more of your work. Thanks! Good luck! read
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  Eat Me?
  A review of Eat Me!
  by JasonSpencer on 02/14/2011
  I gotta admit that I love to music and the intro to this short film. I love that song whatever its called. But I was really disapointed when the film actually started and it was that fake animation stuff. I hate that to be honest with you. It is hard to follow sometimes. I would try and use real people. You would get a better reaction from people and it would be a lot... I gotta admit that I love to music and the intro to this short film. I love that song whatever its called. But I was really disapointed when the film actually started and it was that fake animation stuff. I hate that to be honest with you. It is hard to follow sometimes. I would try and use real people. You would get a better reaction from people and it would be a lot of fun to film too! The audio needs some work as well. The voice overs sounded kinda bad. I think this could be kinda good if shot live. Good luck! read