Review of: Hot Pink (Revised) 

reviewed by eaklee on 09/11/2007
Credited Review
eaklee
Tepid Credited Review
"Hot Pink" is the story of a druggee and a prostitute. I liked the overall concept, but I think the story needs some work. I liked that the author uses conversational, fragmented sentences, as if the narrator is walking down the street with you, telling you this story. The descriptions are very good, too -- very visual.

My suggestions would be:

1) This should be the opening line: "Hot Pink is my favorite prostitute that I'll never be able to stick my dick in." To me, this sentence that doesn't appear until the end of page 2, would immediately pique my curiosity and draw me in. Also, it sets the mood for the entire story.

2) Change title of short story to "In Case of Emergency" and work on that angle a bit more, using references to drugs, Hot Pink, etc.

3) I would lose the multitude of references to the Dallol Depression. I had never heard of it before until this story, and using it 4 times throughout was just overkill.

4) Why exactly won't Hot Pink have sex with Laird? She is a hooker, right? That's how she makes her money?

5) I'm not buying that guys who hire prostitutes "just want love." Guys are guys. They want sex. Period.

6) The spelling and grammar was good overall, but it could use some touch-ups.

I hope these suggestions help. I don't want to sound critical; just offering my thoughts on ways to possibly improve!

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