"Hot Pink" is the story of a druggee and a prostitute. I liked the overall concept, but I think the story needs some work. I liked that the author uses conversational, fragmented sentences, as if the narrator is walking down the street with you, telling you this story. The descriptions are very good, too -- very visual.
My suggestions would be:
1) This should be the opening line: "Hot Pink is my favorite prostitute that I'll never be able to stick my dick in." To me, this sentence that doesn't appear until the end of page 2, would immediately pique my curiosity and draw me in. Also, it sets the mood for the entire story.
2) Change title of short story to "In Case of Emergency" and work on that angle a bit more, using references to drugs, Hot Pink, etc.
3) I would lose the multitude of references to the Dallol Depression. I had never heard of it before until this story, and using it 4 times throughout was just overkill.
4) Why exactly won't Hot Pink have sex with Laird? She is a hooker, right? That's how she makes her money?
5) I'm not buying that guys who hire prostitutes "just want love." Guys are guys. They want sex. Period.
6) The spelling and grammar was good overall, but it could use some touch-ups.
I hope these suggestions help. I don't want to sound critical; just offering my thoughts on ways to possibly improve!
Review of: Hot Pink (Revised)
reviewed by eaklee on 09/11/2007
Other Reviews by eaklee 24
A review of Walking Through Fields With Strangersby eaklee on 09/20/2007Wow. Interesting...and disturbing. What first turns out to be a story about a man and the downward spiral of his marriage then becomes a search for a lost girl then...BAM. I'm not sure what to make of the story except that it did leave me wanting more. I see this being a small part of a much larger story/novel. I'd love to see more of the marriage that's become merely comfortable... read
A review of Sam, Roscoe & Herby eaklee on 09/12/2007"Sam, Roscoe, and Her" was a fantastic concept and story. It was well-written and had great character development. The best thing about it was that when I finished, I didn't realize how much I had read so quickly and the ending made me want more! Now that's the sign of a good writer/story-teller. The story started off with an interesting (and unique) background into Sam's... read
A review of The Ringby eaklee on 08/31/2007I loved this story. The descriptions were fantastic. I felt like I was actually in the room as an observer, along with the main character. Having very little dialogue truly worked for "The Ring." And what dialogue there was didn't detract from the story; it helped it along. My only recommendations would be to clean up the grammar and change the title since it "rings"... read