Review of: Deleted Scenes 

reviewed by Michael Keller on 02/12/2009
Credited Review
Michael Keller
The Angst Parade Credited Review
This script has a lot going for it and relatively few flaws. The characters are pitch perfect, the dialog is snappy and plot is entertaining. The story is very atmospheric and real, with plenty of great little moments and vignettes.

The first act clips along quite briskly, but I hit my first speed bump around page 38. Of all the hundreds of people Sam knows, why would she chose to go with this kid whom she only met once? I know she addresses this concern later, but this scene doesn't ring true. It would never happen in real life, but you can make it believable in movie life if Lenny leaves a stronger impression on her earlier. He has to impart some kind of zen wisdom or something that resonates with her so strongly that she decides to go out on a limb and chose him. I'm not saying change his personality from flunky to master Yoda, but he has to leave her with something unique the first time they meet, and then something else must trigger the memory to motivate her to seek him out again later.

My other minor concern is that there are a couple too many coincidences. Audiences will buy one or two, but more than that is distracting and takes us out of the story. I'd leave the jackpot in there because its meaningful on several levels, but Lenny running into Sam's relatives, and finding the same trucker as before taxes credibility. (BTW - Was the bag of t-shirts referenced in an earlier deleted scene?)

I'm sure other people have already dog piled you about describing "unfilmables" in the scene descriptions, so I'll leave you alone about that.

Now I don't have a lot of conviction on my last point, but I'll bring it up for you to consider. Sam isn't very sympathetic by the end, because she's like an emotional black hole that just sucks Lenny dry and leaves him hanging. She only takes and does not give (typical actress, I know...) I like that he was almost insulted by her kiss. But I feel that if not a more sincere apology, she may owe him a deeper thanks at the end of the story.

Those are my 2 cents. Keep up the excellent work!

Other Reviews by Michael Keller 277

  • by Michael Keller on 11/08/2014
    Kindergarten Detective is a funny, family-friendly, professionally rendered comedy. I enjoyed it very much. Here are my running notes: -Ha! Love the reveal of Rocky and his “drinking problem” -He definitely reads a lot older than 5, but I guess it’s sort of necessary and I’ll look the other way. -All the colorful kindergarten characters are very endearing. -I love the case... read
  • by Michael Keller on 11/06/2014
    This is a really fun, feel-good script. I enjoyed it very much. Here are my running notes: -Sounds like it will be a fun read. The premise reminds me a bit of Billy Madison. -Wouldn’t Dempsey actually go toward the spray of cake batter, to get his fill? -It’s good that you establish the brothers’ antagonistic relationship early on. But I’d go a little more subtle with lines... read
  • by Michael Keller on 11/04/2014
    Hi! I’ve never reviewed an anthology. I’ll try… "DECEMBER 21st" by Justin O'Hanley (J. O'Hanley) Very funny. I liked the deadpan humor and the likeable, everyman protagonist. The contrast between his pedestrian dialog and the Armageddon outside is funny. I would have liked a more surprising twist at the end. Overall, good job! "THE BRIEFCASE" by Bruce Rose (brrose) Good suspense... read
+ more reviews