This is my first short film review ( I usually hang around screenwriting) and so I’ll do my best given my limited knowledge.
There was a really sweet element to this film which I really liked. And I must admit a real sense of sadness when I watched the last frame, which I don’t think was entirely intentional.
First off I will suggest a closer look at your placement of characters with in the frame. Take for example the opening scene in bed. The top bed head is crooked, and the sides are not exactly equally placed. If you are going for a quirky (State and Main) style then I would suggest paying very close attention to these details. Are you familiar with the “rule of thirds’ grid to help guide you with your arrangements? Perhaps researching this will help you. Google Rule of thirds, there is heaps of information. Again outside the garage, you’re not square centre, or enough to the side as to look comfortable – as explained in the “rule of thirds”.
Another section I will point out is the scene with the ‘son’. The lighting behind is stronger, and I like the way you have used the corridor (this technique is very effective when used well). I only suggest perhaps getting your actor to face forward. Though cute, we see a lot of his backside! Move the camera inside, even rig up a steady cam (inexpensive how to make your own steady cams are dotted over the web) to add more interest and dimension. Perhaps the camera could follow your “father” around the house very low. We see his feet moving around...
I’m not so keen on the fish eye lense here, but this youtube vision around the house is very dynamic. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sz-0VaDX7zo .
I guess I have one last comment and that has to do with your lighting. I’ve been reading up and researching on cinematography. It is so important to the quality of the film. They describe it as painting in light. Think about how the light works in a room, on a texture and how it enhances the mood. In your scene with the ‘daughter’, we can see the background shadow of the characters which also makes the scene look more menacing then perhaps intended.
I hope these comments help. I think it looks like you had a lot of fun making this, and I hope you keep learning and making films.
Other Reviews by Jackie Case 37
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A review of A Tru Fairytaleby Jackie Case on 11/16/2011I really enjoyed reading your screenplay. It was an easy, entertaining and simply a joy to read. You have a concise and efficient writing style which is a credit to your writing craft and I commend you. Well done! Each character has their own voice and each was distinct and memorable, which is a huge feat. Your story was both entertaining, and more importantly (and some times... read
A review of Mark of the Veilby Jackie Case on 03/17/2011Mark of the Veil I’ve been reading your thread about how worried you are having put up a screenplay. I perfectly understand. Look, you clicked refresh and here is another review… Now this can be hard to review for a ‘film maker’ rather then ‘screenwriter’. Please allow me to clarify. I assume you are more interested in ‘story’ rather then ‘screenwriting technique’, even though... read