Thank you for the opportunity to read this short story. Unfortunately, numerous punctuation and grammatical errors made it a very difficult read. Proof-reading is essential if you want to correct errors such as these. While this is an interesting re-telling of the Garden of Eden story, this reader was, frankly, puzzled by the intent behind your story.
Best of luck!
TYPOS - WORD CHOICE - GRAMMAR - [suggestions]
[page numbers would be nice]
The moment Lucifer touched the tree; he thought he could be as powerful - The moment Lucifer touched the tree, he thought he could be as powerful
He touch the tree of knowledge and knowledge. - He touch the tree of knowledge. [getting a bit repetitive with this "tree" line]
Lucifer needed demons. - [new paragraph]
But God stop them before they could reach Heaven - But God stopped them before they could reach Heaven
God cried and it rain for the first time. - God cried and it rained for the first time.
Since He is fair and just he allowed each angel - Since He is fair and just He allowed each angel
One angel asked, God why don’t the human show all their emotions. -One angel asked, "God why don’t the humans show all their emotions?"
God response was they cannot show - God's response was they cannot show
No man or animal venture to that area. -No man or animal ventured to that area.
Lucifer did not have the strength to destroy the angles - Lucifer did not have the strength to destroy the angels
Since he hated God so much, he believed if man perished. God would -Since he hated God so much, he believed if man perished, God would
The lonely man ate the front - The lonely man ate the fruit
and his followers never seen anyone yawned before - and his followers had never seen anyone yawned before [you have numerous instances of errors like this but I will cease noting them]
A feeling her never had before - [??]
Review of: Lucifer's First Plan
reviewed by bigheadx on 06/20/2011
Other Reviews by bigheadx 256
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A review of The Hard Choiceby bigheadx on 01/13/2012"Meandering" came to this reader's mind as he read this interesting but occasionally confusing story. In vignettes, we learn about this young man's past and present - family, girlfriends, boyfriends. Unfortunately, considering its length, we come away knowing very little because the story drifts, much like its main character drifts from scene to scene, memory to memory. If... read
A review of Beltedby bigheadx on 06/22/2011Thank you for the opportunity to read this brief short story. Except in some cases (specifics below), the writing is competent and descriptive but, in this reader's opinion, ~525 words are not enough to fully convey the nature of the character's world, the character himself, or the reasons for his predicament. Still, it is an imaginative tale if only because it has taken... read